Free as a bird!

Oh the responses I have received from some of you has been almost overwhelming and I cannot thank you enough for following my journey!  This journey has been one I could never have imagined!!  It is Heaven sent and I am feeling more blessed each day!  I just hope and pray that each one of you can join in with me and remember to live each day to the fullest and always remember to SMILE!!! 

Change used to scare me!!  I would do almost anything not to deal with changes but now I know it is a good thing!!  I may not understand why things have to change but the answer will come in time.  That is how I am getting through the waiting for knowing what position I will hold at school.  It would have been eating me up a few years ago if I were in this situation because I would worry all the time!  Today I know that the answer will come in the near future and there is nothing I can do to make it happen any faster... so I will not waste any precious energy worrying about it now.    WOW!! That is so amazing even to me!!  I really cannot believe this worry wart could be so changed by cancer!

It was such a freeing experience to share my story in response to a discussion about the book of Ephesians in Sunday school.  For so many months I have shared my story with people who loved me long before cancer.  This time I was able to choose to share my story with a group who has only known me for a month but who have opened up their arms and hearts to us from the first visits.  This community is an answer to my prayers and it came at the perfect time for this family!  We have all found a stronger relationship with God and we needed to spread our wings and grow.  Each one of us is getting all we need and I am so thankful that Keith has been able to make such a good connection with Pastor Steve!  This is one more answer to a prayer because it has been so hard to be in a different place than he was on this spiritual journey.  The hardest thing is that I am thankful to God for this journey and Keith is still struggling with the "Whys" of it all -- why did this happen to good people? why us?  why now?...  If you have ever read the book of Ephesians it is Paul's letter to tell those in Ephesus how to live a Christian life.  It is a powerful letter that really speaks to me in how to proceed with life to be able to live life to the fullest!  I am seeing this study may be the way Keith and I get back to the same place on this journey.  I look forward to seeing what is around the next corner!

The girls are all keeping life normal:  taxi mom, fights, screaming matches, bossiness, complaining... and it is only Monday!  Sarah did lose her 2nd tooth last week and she had us all in stitches!  She wrote a note to the fairy and asked to keep her tooth, and then she asked this question:  "What size are you?  Tiny, Small, Medium, Big or Large?"  The fairy circled Medium so then she and Keith discussed whether that was medium size for us or medium size for fairies.... I am sure the next note will be much longer with even more questions!  Look out tooth fairy!!!

Life is a joy because all of you are in it with me!

Herceptin was easy!

Friday was a Herceptin day! Not to mention it was a snow day for Wauconda but a work day at Oak Grove.  There was a great deal of schedule changes to make everything happen but it all went well! 

My IV was not easy and we had to put it into my right arm which they do not like to do but it was the only way we were going to get the meds into this body.  I saw Dr. Chung and discussed all the various things that have been happening and how I changed meds with Dr. Jason.  It was a quick visit since we were not dealing with any problems.  I also found that I did not have as many problems this whole weekend after.  I was so thankful to not have any problems since there were many different things going on I would have hated to miss. 

Katelynn competed with her tap team for the first time at a National Competition.  It was a new experience for all of us!

We went to church today and it was another chance for God to show me He has a plan for me!  I was in Adult Sunday school and was rather quiet during this lesson because I have been taking it all in and not had much to share yet.  Then came a moment in which sharing my experiences over the past year and a half became very appropriate.  Since we are visiting a new church these past five weeks I have kept my cancer quiet because I did not want to be defined by that... although I am looking at it differently tonight!  I shared with the class how I have found that cancer was a gift in my life and I defined that by explaining that it has made me a stronger and more relaxed person.  As I shared these experiences that got me to this moment, I was complimented for my choice of words by Pastor Steve and then one of the ladies who have been so welcoming to us since the first time we were in church opened up and let me know that she had just been diagnosed on Friday with Stage I Breast cancer.  She was the reason I needed to share this experience and share the positiveness of this horrible, scary monster!  She and I teared up and I hugged her to let her know that she is not alone!  She thanked me for sharing this and WOW was God still speaking today!!!  I also was given the gift of one of the other women coming to me to tell me she is a 13 year survivor and wanted to connect with me and help me in anyway she could!  I also saw Keith allow the whys to wash away and maybe even begin to forgive God for making us go through this.  We have been at two different places on this journey for a while but I am so thankful to be present to watch his journey start to catch up with mine and I know that it is the guidance and love we are receiving from St. Peters that is opening up his heart!!! 

I have had a wonderful day that has left me lifted up and feeling great!  I am so blessed to have my eyes open and being allowed to see all these beautiful connections!  Life is meant for sharing and I am one of the luckiest people to have so many connections in my life!  Thank you all for your love and support and connections!!!

This week has been a test for me to see how I would do in more stressful situations... I think I passed!!!

Valentine's day meant candy and kids to me instead of love, roses and dinner  AND I loved it!  All weekend I was planning and getting ready for the Valentine's party for Katelynn's 4th grade class.  I was able to gather all the necessities by Monday morning and had so much help from other parents which was a HUGE help!  We worked on a few projects during Monday evening and Tuesday morning but was not too stressful.  I worked on Tuesday and then started on my Valentine's party marathon by stopping to get the ice cream for the party.  I picked up Keith and the twins and we made our way to the school.  The party was an awesome success.... I even had the class next door join us because my dear friend Kim was stressed out over what to do with the kids.  Everyone had a BLAST!!!  The fun was not over though....
The girls still had dance classes which began at 4:45PM for the twins and ended with Katelynn's class finishing at 8:15PM.  We took a break in between to have dinner at home and say good-bye to Keith as he left for work.
Life did not slow down the rest of the week... I had a workshop to go to on Wednesday which meant I left in the morning as Keith got home from work.  Then on Thursday the girls did not have school because of parent teacher conferences so the twins got their chance to visit my school and see what mommy does at work.  I realized they had never gotten to see me in action.  They loved seeing what Kindergarteners at my school do.  Finally it is Friday and I am heading into work for our teacher institute.  I am beginning to work on getting up earlier and more importantly getting ready earlier since life next year is going to be quite a change as I go back full time!!!

WOW!  I am still astonished that I have all of the energy to do all of these things and even more of the normal things I did not even list!  It is surreal for me to think back to what a year ago looked like in my life!  I was nearing my lowest of lows by this time!  The chemo was taking such a toll on my body and all I could do was count down to the end!  Now I am living for each day and all it brings to my life! 

I am also growing spiritually which is amazing!  My girls are the reason I am able to say this!  They were craving more from church and so we spread our wings to find a church that makes children and their needs a priority!  The entire family is so happy each Sunday morning as we get ready to go to Sunday School and we have so much to share when church ends.  I was in tears after the first visit to realize that my children were missing so much for so long!  It is such and uplifting experience each week. 

I do need an extra nap this weekend but I am so glad I have made it through this week as well as I have!  Life is so GOOD!!

All is well with me!!!  This is a phrase I have been waiting to say for a long time!!!  I am feeling so much better today!  My cough is getting better and I am feeling stronger.  It feels so good to say these words!!!  Praise God!

I was so blessed this weekend to have a chance to catch up with a dear friend from chemo, Tammi!  It was so good to get a chance to commiserate over all the different things we are still dealing with and have experienced!  It was also great to be meeting up in a Starbucks rather than in a doctors office!!!  Tammi is such a great help for me since we are both "the young ones" from chemo and can truly relate to each other!  This was so helpful to me and I cannot wait until we get together again!

Keith and I were spoiled last night because we were able to get away on a double date!  At the last minute we were able to have Cinde and Pat (Keith's parents) come over to watch the kids so that we could go out with Wendi and Ken.  We could not have made it through this last year without Wendi and Ken!!  They have opened up their house and their hearts to our girls during all of these life changing events!  I have not let one day pass that I have not thanked God for these friends in our life!  We were all able to get away and go to a special dinner at Bob Chinn's!  We had a fabulous time and will enjoy these memories and the chance to be out without the kids.

My spirit is soaring with happiness for so many reasons and I am so thankful my strength and my health are on the rise!  

Updates

Yesterdays Herceptin treatment went well!  Nurse Maria put the IV in perfectly with some consultation from Keith :)  They have such a great time joking with me and keeping me calm.... They are even talking about letting Keith try the next IV--- at which time I said "NO!!!! He may be gifted with fixing cars but not on my veins!"  The meds went in but the vein was not giving a good blood return so the nurses persuaded Dr. Chung to forget my blood work this time.  Then when I was all done they tried to get the viles of blood and were successful.  

It was rather quiet in the chemo room yesterday and I was able to catch up with all the nurses and techs.  I was again greeted with the welcoming phrase "Oh Good the Party has arrived!"  I am really not rowdy or crazy but I guess my positive attitude and smile have allowed me to have such a great connection with all in the office there.  I really do find myself feeling like these people are all part of my family so I truly love to go see them even when I dread what I have to do there.  I must have said something about "I cannot be the only one who does this?"  and was given the answer by more than one that it really is only me.  If anyone from my doctor to the nurse practitioner to the tech assistant Lauren know that I am in the office they will come back and see me.  They have also been so gracious to break a new rule they have that there is no visitors allowed in the chemo room for us.  Keith is such a huge help to me and I can honestly say he is my rock who holds me up when I want to crumble!  We are aware of the surroundings and he will go out if the room is crazy busy or more than half full.  Otherwise we love to talk with all the nurses-- Kate is our fellow Blackhawks fan and is younger than us with so much spirit, Lisa is from Wauconda and has a child in the same grade at WGS as Katelynn and is the reason I was able to really get comfortable in the chemo room, Maria is the miracle worker who has always made the treatments possible whenever anything was not cooperating, and Jane is an upbeat patient lady with such a great way to lessen my anxiety through just our conversations!  There will never be a day I do not thank God for all of these wonderful women in my life!  I am also blessed to have a doctor and a nurse practitioner who are amazing in knowledge and in spirit!  The one angel who has become such an important person in my life is Lauren who is the assistant who takes vitals and puts patients in their room.  Her spirit is so strong and loving and we have had such a great bond!  God is so amazing!

I am still struggling with a new cold.  My cough is horrible again and I am so stuffed up!  I saw Dr. Jason this morning and we changed many of my meds to get all things under control and hopefully find the cause of this on-going cough.  It was so great to go in and meet with him.  Keith was there and we all talked about all that is going on with me.  I walked away with new meds and a feeling that we will get this under control now.  I just have to endure through this cold.  SO I am on the couch for the weekend to try and get the body to kick this out of my body. 

Reflections

As I prepare for the next treatment of Herceptin tomorrow I am overwhelmed by the many changes and realization of how different life is from last year.  

I came up with all the four letter words that made me mad but now as I look at that list I realize all of them have begun to turn back to a good thing!  Hair was one of my biggest enemies because I was so upset about losing my hair.  I now have the perspective of knowing that all of the hair returned and it is even curly and feeling healthy.  It really does show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

I am dealing with a new cold that has brought on the horrible cough that has been at bay but never really left.  My whole body is aching and I am getting the chills.  I am so tired of these symptoms and just plain exhausted.  

I will be having treatment tomorrow at the Oncologists office and then I will be seeing Dr. Jason on Saturday to talk about all my meds and all the illness I have had or need to change.  I am hoping to find answers and feel better once this weekend is over.