I am sitting outside on a balcony on the 26th floor of a gorgeous hotel wearing sunglasses and pjs enjoying an ocean view in December. All of these things are so uncommon to me but are FABULOUS!! Hollywood, FL is the location I am sitting in and we are overlooking both the Atlantic Ocean as well as the view to Miami. This morning is absolutely beautiful! It is sunny and warm! I am enjoying getting my Vitamin D naturally! Although we are here during the Christmas season and it is very hard to digest the palm trees decorated with Christmas lights or the garland hanging all over while there are palm trees and 80-degree weather without any snow. It is rather amazing how much fake snow there is and how many ways they create that effect! (Too bad we cannot send some of the winter weather to them to experience!)
This gift is one that we enjoyed last year BUT I did not take in all that there is to experience! I am such a changed person from last years trip down here (Pre-diagnosis) I did have a moment of mourning for that Lynn right when we got here. All week leading up to the trip I was a little on edge. I of course thought it was all the preparations I had to accomplish in order to take this trip and I know that contributed…. BUT I realize now that there was some anxiety in facing what was the changing point in our lives.
One of my first moments of realization was when we were in the airport waiting for the plane and my nerves were not racing a million miles a minute (Pre-cancer I was terrified of flying because I ultimately was terrified to die.) Instead I was taking in the sites of people watching and enjoying my alone time with Keith. I was quietly praying all would go well for the girls and all who are taking care of them while I was gone… BUT even that was no longer worrying but rather honest hope and love being sent their way! On the plane I was calm (and exhausted from not being able to sleep the night before and getting up at 3am) and slept a great deal of the time away. On arrival we began to fly through the clouds. They were big beautiful cumulous clouds and I began to think of my girls and remembered one of them asking me if these were the clouds angels sat on. I found my self looking to see if there were angels on the clouds so I could tell Sarah that I did not see anyone but I could feel they were there. I am really enjoying the calmer me and the Lynn who sees the beauty in just about everything and every situation!
Today is the girls Winter recital for dance! We are missing all the rehearsals and then ultimately to performance! I am sad not to be there but over this past year I have learned to miss things and have them share it with me afterwards! I have also learned to let others take part in the caring for and bringing up of my girls. I am still mom but it takes a village to raise children and I am allowing my village to do more than I used to! This trip would not be possible without so many people in our lives who love us! First and foremost our parents who are taking over for us with our children. Marcia and Ed have the weekend duties. They are also teaming up with Laura and Jen during the recital to help them do all the backstage work. Laura is even taking the girls for the day during the time between the recital and the performance which is so much weight lifted off my parents! Cinde will be taking the girls to our house on Sunday night to be at home for the rest of the week we are gone. She will get the girls through their Monday and Tuesday routine for us as well as get them off to school on Wednesday. Pat drove us to the airport and will pick us up from the airport when we return home Wednesday. The school staff will be looking out for the girls and knows we are gone so I know they all will be extra helpful this week as we even transition back into real life when we return. I may not have seen any angels in the clouds because God has blessed us with so many here on Earth!
My energy level and my body are showing signs of change from last year. I was so exhausted yesterday and when I overdid because of all the excitement I really paid for it in pain. I did sleep wonderfully last night once I was asleep! So this morning I am refreshed and ready to go! I do realize that I could tire out again so I know now to prioritize the activities. I listed out for myself all I wanted to do in order of importance. That way if we do not get to it all I will have most likely done all I truly wanted to do and miss some of the extras! This is a life skill I probably should have been doing all along but it took cancer to make me really learn it!
I pray everyone I love is safe and well! I pray that all is going good for everyone involved in making this trip possible for us! Know we are sending all of you love from sunny Florida! We hope some of the sun and warmth gets to all!
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