Ups and downs...

Today is a day of mixed emotions!  

We received tough news last night that a dear friend of ours has lost her mother.  This amazing woman battled cancer and fought such a tough fight until the end.  She was a sweet woman who had many parallels to my own life:  she was a mother to many, she had a strong marriage, she was a teacher, and she was so caring to all!  It hurts me to think of my friend having to go through life without her mother physically here with her. BUT as I have said in the past:  There is a new angel in heaven to watch over those she loved.  May God bless the whole family and help them to find peace in the new way of life.

We also got good news about our friends who are down in Florida with their daughter they are adopting.  Brianna was born to a young mother who had been trying to get off drugs while she was pregnant.  Unfortunately the baby was affected and is having to go through with drawls. I am feeling rather connected to this family since the new mommy, Tracey was diagnosed with Breast Cancer only a few months after I was and we were in Junior High and High School together.  Keith has even gone to school since Grade school with her.  We were able to cheer each other on throughout our journeys and now to know that she has been able to make her dream of being a mom come true is so amazing to me!!! I can only wish the entire family all the happiness and enjoyment in life with children!  

I am also finally feeling better!  The unbelievable pain has subsided and I am able to accomplish some of my To-Do-List that I have for myself before surgery.  It is a good day for me!

Please pray for all to find the peace they need!

Pain is still one of those bad four letter words in my life!  I am having one of the worst days since last year at the end of the MEGA chemo treatments.  I am do not know what is the cause of this pain entirely but I do know that it is so bad it is driving be crazy!!  I tried to ignore it this morning hoping it would go away BUT then it just got worse.  I ache from my hips down to my toes.  This could be from all the packing and moving I have been doing at work or the PT I had this week on Monday and Thursday or even just from overdoing in general.  All I know is that nothing seems to be helping so I am up.

I am on my count down to surgery... 18 days and counting!  June 15th is the day of the NEW Lynn!  This will be the final Breast Reconstruction surgery.  I will come out of this surgery a new woman and as soon as I recover from it all I will be able to say I am cancer free and move on with life without any treatments or multiple visits to doctors offices in a month.  I will LIVE again as a healthy woman who does not have to be defined by having breast cancer  but rather I will be a SURVIVOR and so proud of it!  

I was at church tonight (we went to our contemporary service for the first time) and felt so uplift by all the music and the message.  I am in such a fantastic place spiritually and I am so proud to be able to declare that because there have been times this was not the case!  

I am also blessed with such fantastic support system!  You all make this journey so much easier for me!  I will be forever thankful for each and every person who has walked with me through this journey!  I would not have made it through without each of you.  

I am finding myself coming to the end of one chapter of my life at work and realizing how much I am looking forward to the new challenge that lies ahead of me at work next school year!  I am moving to 6th grade math and am so very excited!  The first four years of teaching I began in Junior High and now to be returning to this is so fantastic!  I cannot wait to share my love of math and teaching with older students.  I hope that all my new found life lessons will also help prepare me for my change as well as be able to help those that I will teach!  I will also be going back to work full time after 9 years of being part time.  I do know that it will be exhausting at first but the thrill of the change will pull me through that I am sure!  I love to teach and I love a challenge as well as change so this is going to be one of those moments in my career that will be a milestone!

The girls are out of school and are pushing the limits at times.  They seem to feel Keith and I should entertain them every moment of the day.  This has been difficult at times but for the majority of the last few days we have all survived.  It will be great to have a couple of weeks together before surgery so I can have some fun with them before I am bed ridden and unable to do a great deal of physical activities with them.  

Changes are abundant!

15 down and only 2 more to go!

OH it was so good to get #15 Herceptin treatment done yesterday!  I am having some side-effects such as a headache and some body aches but I am absolutely thrilled to be coming so close to the end of these treatments!  

We had Katelynn's last dance competition in Rockford today!  My parents and I took her out there and it was such a blessing to have them with us to get through this day!  

School is almost out and boy is it coming at a perfect time!  The girls are done the middle of this coming week (Yes, before Memorial day) and I am done teaching the end of the following week,  It will be good to have a couple of weeks free before my surgery.  I am praying that all gets done before June 15th.  

OK, You got me!

Jen Stiles (with help from Keith and my mom) gave me one of the best surprises!  This wonderful friend nominated me for a makeover for Cancer patients/ survivors at Studio 21 in Gurnee.  This amazing salon gave me a day of beauty that I will remember forever!  

The day started as all do with the girls waking up first and then I get up.  Keith and Katelynn left early to go help out at a church work day.  The twins and I got showered and ready to run errands before I dropped them off with Mom and Dad.  Jen had planned this day with me months before and I was so looking forward to getting away with a good friend and having a me day.  I thought we were going for manicure and pedicure together as well as get some food.  I got to her house a little early since Mom encouraged me to go after I dropped the girls off... I should have known something was up since my mom agreed so quickly to help me get the girls to their dance pictures for tumbling class.  Let's just say this is not her first choice of activities to help out with since it can be chaos...Once Jen was ready we were on our way to the Salon.  As we entered the salon there were at least three ladies greeting me and so excited to see me,  They had flowers and chocolates for me as well as telling me all the wonderful surprises they had in store for me. I cannot tell you all that was going on in my mind.  It really did not register right away!!  I can honestly say I was in shock!!!!  I hugged Jen and that was when I broke down and cried.  The realization of all she must have done to make this happen was overwhelming. It was also unbelievable that all these ladies wanted to do all these things for me!  I had a mini-facial, manicure, pedicure, a new outfit (many layers, jewelry, and shoes), make-up and hair (highlights, a cut and styled).  This salon took such great care of me!!  The facial was AWESOME!!! I had never had one and it was absolutely amazing and relaxing! The mani and pedi were fabuluos!! My hair is unbelievable!  AND OH my make-up is making me like a whole new person!!  

The women at the salon were so kind and such fabulous cheerleaders!  I loved feeling this wonderful and realizing that I have been without this feeling for my looks for a very long time!  Don't get me wrong:  I have been very happy each day to be alive and be able to love life BUT I have not been as positive about how I look.  I have had my moments of hating the fact that cancer took so many things from such as my breasts and my hair.  Loving life does help to make these feelings go underground for a while but it always creeps back up.  

Jen is so amazing to me!  She made sure this day was an absolute dream for me!  Andrea at the salon was the next one who made his day perfect!  The other women I have also added to my Angel Team are Bridget, Lyni, and Tina.  Everyone loved doing it for me and were just the kindest people you could meet!

"Hello Gorgeous" is the name of the foundation that gave me all of this!  A woman in Indiana started this and it is slowly growing.  What a fantastic idea that has grown to touch my life!  I am in awe of all that I was given today!  Thank you just won't tell anyone just how appreciative I really am!  

My whole family and Jen's sister and mom were there for my reveal!  It was awesome to walk into the waiting area and look stunning in front of those that love me!  We all toasted, eat yummy snacks and talked about all the ways this day came about under my nose.  We then went for food at Tacos El Norte.  

...WOW!!!  I am exhausted and so happy!  It truly feels like I am in a fairy tale and I really do not want to wake up!!!  This is such an amazing feeling!  A picture will follow once I get it out of the camera.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!

PT is amazing!

Today was a PT day... I had started going to PT for tendonitous in my right foot.  It has evolved to help me get ready for this reconstructive surgery I will be having in one month. 

Jayne is my Physical Therapists and we have really connected -- she is a twin and they sound so much like Lindsey and Sarah as they are very different from each other.  She has done so much to help me get stronger and really understand how the parts of the body work together or against each other.  She has now brought in her new colleague who specializes in Oncology patients.  Robin is another wonderful person who is now on my team and knows so much about this surgery- she has even watched one done before.  She filled us in on what kind of recovery I would have to endure.  She put me at ease because she filled in all the missing pieces of the surgery that I did not know.  Robin gave Jayne some different ideas on what to focus on before surgery and then they will come up with a plan after the surgery to recover stronger than before.  Robin is also very willing to do home visits after surgery just to make sure all is going OK in the first weeks which will be the hardest.  It was a great appointment!

I am so thankful that I do not have any treatments this Mother's Day weekend!  I am looking forward to spending time with friends and family all weekend and enjoying all the surprises these girls have tried to tell me about this past two weeks.... 6 year olds were not made to keep secrets.  The twins have almost told me my presents and the plans for me so many times.  Lindsey even asked me one day if she could just tell me it all so that she did not have to feel like bursting with surprises.  I told her that it would be most disappointing to her sisters if she told me since they worked hard to plan it all with her. 

Herceptin will be the following weekend and after that there are only 2 more until I am done with that part of this journey!!  WOW!!  I really did not think this time would come!!! 

Looking through clear eyes

Waking up feeling good!  Wow does this feel great!!

I realize now that I have been feeling sick for about a month- congestion and sinuses that were painful and a cough that shook my whole body.  It feels so freeing to be rid of all of that!  I am ready to enjoy life again to the fullest!

Life really is good for this family!  We are heading into summer with such anticipation and excitement.  It will be divided into a few weeks of fun before surgery and then the rest will be a recovery summer for me again.,,

June 15th-- This is the day of final reconstruction.  I am having a procedure called a Tram flap Breast Reconstruction.  "The TRAM flap (transverse rectus abdominus myocutaneous) is a tissue flap procedure that uses muscle, fat and skin from your abdomen to create a new breast mound after a masectomy."  Recovery will be much longer than last summers surgery but after this I will be DONE!!  In July I will be Breast Cancer free and ready to get on with life!

Before all of that, we all have to finish off the school year.  The twins will finish Kindergarten and Katelynn will complete 4th grade.  I am finishing up my last year in the Gifted program and get ready to go full time and teach 6th grade math.  We are all looking towards exciting new adventures in the upcoming year.  It is time on our journey to soar!!!