Half way done!!!!! #5 is done and I am able to say it is OK. I am dizzy and slightly nauseous but not near as bad as the first 3 treatments. I did have wonderful occurrences at the doctor yesterday: my nurse technician who takes vitals and all necessary meds I take down each time started chatting with us and we found out that there is not only a connection that she is a twin herself but her first car that she still has was almost the same car that I first had (aqua color Grand Am '93). She also has shared some about her faith which matches my own so we have taken the time to share this as well. She will be a helpful reason that I will walk into that office even on the days I really do not want to-- like yesterday. I was ready to go hop on a plane and run away before treatment. It was really hard to go because I had energy walking in and I knew I would leave in bad shape. The doctors and nurses are a great comfort and strength I draw from when I am at the lowest and I am thankful for who they are and all the care they give to me! It is so spiritual in this office because there is a great deal of faith running through the patients, family members and medical staff.
I do have so much to be thankful for but there have been roadblocks lately which have escalated today! I try soooo hard to keep the negativity far away but these last three days have been so hard and it all has come to a breaking point so I am hoping if I complain I might feel better so forgive me!
How can I be at work and have so many wonderful friends and colleagues cheer me on and students and parents support me as if we were a huge family but then the reminders of the fact that I have few sick days left come crashing at me? The same day I am sent so many hospital/ doctor bills that I do not know when we will pay them all off or how much more will come at us while I will start to bring home less and less money. After much prayer and many tears my mom read the signs of my stress and reminded me that she and dad were here for us for anything they could do! This was the answer to that prayer of reassurance because I know over time Keith and I will make all of this up but the here and now is scary to me! I have no energy already and yet I have this burden taking a great deal of this precious energy that is left!
Keith and I struggled this week over a car that was dropped in our driveway. This disease has stressed us out but then when others come in and make life harder it makes the fight even harder to win! I just cannot believe we have people in our lives who cannot think of how their actions affect us to the core.... WHILE we also have friends in our lives who do absolutely everything to make our life easier through the meals that are made with love for us and the friends that take our kids when we are at treatment and who love them as if they were their own (or even better!!!).
The good is there and it should out weigh the bad but at times it is hard! I am constantly working to leave the negative behind and keep the good in front of me! It is hard when it comes in the form of a scrap of metal that takes up room we do nothave on our driveway or a pile of papers with numbers that are astonishing or a problem that tears the Lynn-Keith team apart even slightly!!!
I ask for your help to just pray for the good to out weigh the bad as the days of recovery wear on for me as I will be here sitting/ sleeping/ recovering to have that precious energy I so want to come back.
Thank you to all who are our good in life! You are priceless and absolutely precious to us! Please know we are thankful for you!
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