WOW! Keith and I were in Skokie today for about 3 hours today! We got down there about a half an hour early so we went to Old Orchard and looked around at L.L. Bean which was good to relax before this appointment. Then we went to the plastic surgeons office early to fill out all the paper work and have a chance to get acquainted with the layout of the office.
Unfortunately, there was an issue earlier in the day so Dr. Lu was running late but this ended up being a good thing in the end. We were able to get a chance to talk with Dr. Lu's assistant who schedules all his appointments and surgeries and keeps in close contact with his cancer patients. Her name is Freddie and she is a wonderful person who is so easy to talk to! I look forward to working closely with her over the next weeks and then in the following months!
Dr. Lu did a fantastic job of explaining all the different options I have as well as helping us see the pros and cons for each option! We talked about all that I was hoping to get from reconstruction and he really helped me to find comfort in all the different options. He is a very nice man who is nothing like I thought a plastic surgeon would be! He listened and really went over everything with us! He made sure he answered all our questions and encouraged us to think on it and know that there is not a wrong answer.
I will be talking with Freddie tomorrow to have her start the process of setting up the surgery. She told us that we might have our date by 5pm tomorrow. That will be so awesome to have this date!!!
It has been a long and emotional day but I am so thankful that throughout this journey I have been guided by all the doctors that I trust and they have not steered me wrong. They have each actually given me the gift of one of their most talented colleagues who specialize in what I need at that time. I have a great feeling about Dr. Lu being part of my team. He along with all the other oncology doctors are such a wonderful group of people who are caring and thorough! I am so blessed and am thankful for all I have been given along this journey! I can see the true light at the end of the tunnel!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
More four letter words...
I have another set of four letter words:
Past- a time that needs to stay where it is-- already gone!
I want to keep all that is in the past there, especially the bad stuff.
Pain- I am finding it is a roller coaster of ups and downs with the pain that is lingering. I will be fine one minute and then have some strange part of my body have a shot of pain go through it.
Time- I have only so much time in which I have energy and I have so many things to accomplish before I am unable to do them. It is also something I cherish when I am spending it with dear friends or wonderful loved ones!
Sick- my throat is sore and I am worried I might be getting sick which could postpone surgery if I do not bounce back quickly.
Slow- The only pace I am able to move at the moment. I am definitely more of a turtle instead of a rabbit.
My favorite four letter word is still:
LOVE... it is the one word that is so powerful and truly the reason for living. May we all know true love all of our lives!
Past- a time that needs to stay where it is-- already gone!
I want to keep all that is in the past there, especially the bad stuff.
Pain- I am finding it is a roller coaster of ups and downs with the pain that is lingering. I will be fine one minute and then have some strange part of my body have a shot of pain go through it.
Time- I have only so much time in which I have energy and I have so many things to accomplish before I am unable to do them. It is also something I cherish when I am spending it with dear friends or wonderful loved ones!
Sick- my throat is sore and I am worried I might be getting sick which could postpone surgery if I do not bounce back quickly.
Slow- The only pace I am able to move at the moment. I am definitely more of a turtle instead of a rabbit.
My favorite four letter word is still:
LOVE... it is the one word that is so powerful and truly the reason for living. May we all know true love all of our lives!
Waiting, waiting, .....
This weekend has seemed like an eternity since just on the other side of it I will have the final meeting before I get the anticipated surgery date. I have been using this time to do things that I have not been able to do throughout the past 6 months. I have been trying to tackle the cleaning out of our office/craft room which during these past months could also be called the dumping room. If things did not have a place in the house they came to this room for holding. It was a HUGE mess but the girls helped me empty the room and now I have slowly put things back or thrown things out. It feels good to accomplish a big project since I am getting more and more energy back.
Yesterday I took my longest trip since Christmas. I went down to see my grandparents. It was a bittersweet trip because my mom's mom is with hospice (again) and has truly taken the turn for the "worst." She is a fighter and we have seen her bounce back before but this time her body is telling us it is time for her to go. I was worried that the girls would struggle more than I would but they showed me how to look at it through their innocent eyes! They were able to take their experience of losing their friend Katie two years ago and apply it to this. Grandma slept most of the time and when she opened her eyes she really was not there. We left telling her we loved her and I stayed a little longer to kiss her, say a prayer for her, and then telling her over and over how much I love her. When the girls were kissing Grandma's cheeks and telling her they loved her, Grandma smiled for the first time with us. Love really is powerful and can break through all barriers.
I was also able to go out and see my dad's parents. Grandma on the farm (as the girls refer to her) had a mastectomy on Thursday and was home from the hospital on Friday. By the time we saw her Saturday you could hardly tell she had had surgery. She was moving around well and we had a memorable visit with her and Grandpa. We also walked over to my Uncle's greenhouses and bought a whole bunch of veggies for all our family members at home. He grows mushrooms so I went home with many varieties like Shitaki, creminis, and portabellas the size of my hand.
It was a rather emotional day in which I have come home quite down and am fighting to find that happy Lynn. She is still here but it is amazing how words can pierce even the happiest of people. One conversation during the day was unpleasant but yet I allowed it to take all the positive feelings I have felt and been surrounded by and throw them out the window. It has become so clear to me that words can be powerful weapons. I have faced death and come back stronger than ever but I crumble when a family member places the blame on me for a time years ago I was victimized by another. When do we stop needing our elders to approve of us or see us in a better light than they obviously do? How do I not let someone burst my happy balloon? I have tried to call upon all the beautiful, unconditional love you all have sent to me through your messages but this black cloud has persisted all night. We really do hurt the ones we love in the worst ways!
Tuesday cannot come soon enough! I will look forward to sharing with everyone all that we find out and ultimately share THE DATE!! I am sending my love out to all our veterans and those who have fought for us and gave their lives. I am also sending out love to their families and loved ones! This weekend has always been a special one in our family because my mom's father served in WWII as well as Korea. The military are one huge family who truly are the ones who know what true sacrifice is. Thank God for all these men and women!
Yesterday I took my longest trip since Christmas. I went down to see my grandparents. It was a bittersweet trip because my mom's mom is with hospice (again) and has truly taken the turn for the "worst." She is a fighter and we have seen her bounce back before but this time her body is telling us it is time for her to go. I was worried that the girls would struggle more than I would but they showed me how to look at it through their innocent eyes! They were able to take their experience of losing their friend Katie two years ago and apply it to this. Grandma slept most of the time and when she opened her eyes she really was not there. We left telling her we loved her and I stayed a little longer to kiss her, say a prayer for her, and then telling her over and over how much I love her. When the girls were kissing Grandma's cheeks and telling her they loved her, Grandma smiled for the first time with us. Love really is powerful and can break through all barriers.
I was also able to go out and see my dad's parents. Grandma on the farm (as the girls refer to her) had a mastectomy on Thursday and was home from the hospital on Friday. By the time we saw her Saturday you could hardly tell she had had surgery. She was moving around well and we had a memorable visit with her and Grandpa. We also walked over to my Uncle's greenhouses and bought a whole bunch of veggies for all our family members at home. He grows mushrooms so I went home with many varieties like Shitaki, creminis, and portabellas the size of my hand.
It was a rather emotional day in which I have come home quite down and am fighting to find that happy Lynn. She is still here but it is amazing how words can pierce even the happiest of people. One conversation during the day was unpleasant but yet I allowed it to take all the positive feelings I have felt and been surrounded by and throw them out the window. It has become so clear to me that words can be powerful weapons. I have faced death and come back stronger than ever but I crumble when a family member places the blame on me for a time years ago I was victimized by another. When do we stop needing our elders to approve of us or see us in a better light than they obviously do? How do I not let someone burst my happy balloon? I have tried to call upon all the beautiful, unconditional love you all have sent to me through your messages but this black cloud has persisted all night. We really do hurt the ones we love in the worst ways!
Tuesday cannot come soon enough! I will look forward to sharing with everyone all that we find out and ultimately share THE DATE!! I am sending my love out to all our veterans and those who have fought for us and gave their lives. I am also sending out love to their families and loved ones! This weekend has always been a special one in our family because my mom's father served in WWII as well as Korea. The military are one huge family who truly are the ones who know what true sacrifice is. Thank God for all these men and women!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Medical Update
Today Keith and I went to see my surgeon. Dr. Ganshirt was great about answering all our questions and making all the decisions we needed to make with him. He put me at ease with all the things that were worrying me. I found out that I am not having anymore scans because he will be able to see everything better when he has me in surgery. He also let me know that the spots the MRI had picked up on behind my pectoral muscle could be exaggerated by the scan and he will be able to go in to that area and check it out himself. He will know where the cancer was because there will be scar tissue from where it had invaded my body and the areas it traveled to. I also found out that the amount of lymph nodes he will take will be most likely only 5 or 6 instead of a number in the teens. This will help to lessen the problems after surgery with the arm and swelling. I will be having a double mastectomy with reconstruction at the same time. So now I have to meet with the plastic surgeon I have chosen next week Tuesday. Dr. Lu will have the longest part of the surgery since I want to use my own tissue to reconstruct. That meeting will be where we have the most questions and be given the most information about what to expect. I am finding that the more information I have the more at peace with having surgery.
This week has been an adjustment period for me. I am missing my students so much and my colleagues as well! BUT I am finding it fun to spend time with my girls. I will have 2 kindergartners to be and a new 4th grader as of tomorrow at 10:40am. Yes, Katelynn is getting out of school tomorrow morning for good! She is so excited to be going into 4th grade and the twins cannot wait to go to Kindergarten at the big school and go on the bus each morning. These girls are growing up so fast! We have been to the library twice this week and played at the park once- before the rain came. We have also cleaned out the twins room and found the floor. Now I am cleaning out the office and craft room which has been so neglected and filled with miscellaneous stuff.
I watched Opera's final show and was so moved by it. I have been following her biggest piece of advice which is to make life as you want it to be. I was given this diagnosis which was not what I wanted to have BUT once I came out of the shock I realized it was my choice how to deal with it. The first choice I made was to not keep it a secret from anyone- especially my own children. My next choice was to stay positive even in the face of cancer. The love that my family and I felt was overwhelming at times! Love and smiles have been my priceless medicine to battle this cancer. Thank you for all the love you have given us!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I have been struggling to accept the compliments of so many when they have said I am an inspiration. I felt that this was too high of a compliment for little me. I am struggling with a scary and horrible thing. I have chosen to fight it with a smile and a glass is half full outlook. I decided today as I watched the end of the Oprah surprise farewell and realized I would use the word inspiration when describing this amazing woman to look up the meaning of an inspirational person. I found this:
"To be inspirational is to lead by example and encourage others to feel there is something worthwhile to become and do.
I realize now that I am always a teacher. I want there to be a lesson that comes out of everything! One of the best compliments have come from a parent of one of my students. She told my principal that I was so special because of all I have taught my students this year about life (as well as made math fun for them all!). I cried when I heard this because teaching is such a huge part of me and this year it became even more special to me. Each year I welcome a new set of students into my family and each year I enjoy teaching them and influencing them to love math. BUT this year my parents and students have truly become a part of my family like no other year. These parents were supportive beyond belief and the students were so caring and understanding beyond their young age of 7 to 8 year olds. I have been gone now for a week from them and I have thought about them and missed them each day. I look forward to celebrating with the students in the fall at a special lunch where I hope to show them all their caring and support paid off to help make me a stronger person.
I have also been thinking about what is different about me in comparison to others with cancer and I realized it is a smile. My nurses call me the party girl because I bring in a celebration atmosphere when I enter the chemo room. I am their "smiliest" patient and make a day fun. I challenge each of you to take a day and smile all the way through it. Even if there is a problem or something unpleasant just smile through it and see how your day goes. I am sure you will find others find a way to smile along with you. It is a contagious thing!
Thank you for giving me the strength to be the inspiration you have known so far! Thank you for supporting me through the toughest of times!
"To be inspirational is to lead by example and encourage others to feel there is something worthwhile to become and do.
Characteristics of Inspirational People
- Self-Giving rather than selfish
- Humility rather than pride. This is not a false humility which makes people stay in the background. But, when they act, it is with a sense of oneness and not a superiority or inferiority.
- Courage. Courage to do the right thing, whatever society thinks
- Principles - Acting out of principles for good rather than material gain.
- Happiness - Inspirational people make the world a better place, and make people feel more positive.
- Vision - Inspirational People have a vision and help turn hope into reality."
I realize now that I am always a teacher. I want there to be a lesson that comes out of everything! One of the best compliments have come from a parent of one of my students. She told my principal that I was so special because of all I have taught my students this year about life (as well as made math fun for them all!). I cried when I heard this because teaching is such a huge part of me and this year it became even more special to me. Each year I welcome a new set of students into my family and each year I enjoy teaching them and influencing them to love math. BUT this year my parents and students have truly become a part of my family like no other year. These parents were supportive beyond belief and the students were so caring and understanding beyond their young age of 7 to 8 year olds. I have been gone now for a week from them and I have thought about them and missed them each day. I look forward to celebrating with the students in the fall at a special lunch where I hope to show them all their caring and support paid off to help make me a stronger person.
I have also been thinking about what is different about me in comparison to others with cancer and I realized it is a smile. My nurses call me the party girl because I bring in a celebration atmosphere when I enter the chemo room. I am their "smiliest" patient and make a day fun. I challenge each of you to take a day and smile all the way through it. Even if there is a problem or something unpleasant just smile through it and see how your day goes. I am sure you will find others find a way to smile along with you. It is a contagious thing!
Thank you for giving me the strength to be the inspiration you have known so far! Thank you for supporting me through the toughest of times!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Milestones
This was one of those days to remember forever! The twins graduated Preschool!!! We have made it! They were so adorable and loved being surrounded by many of the people who have helped us get them to this milestone: Grandma Marcia, Grandma Cinde, Papa Ed, Ms. Beth, Allison and us. The girls were adorable and so grown up! They chose their own outfits for this special day and for once they chose the same matching dresses. It was a proud day for them!
The emotions hit me when they walked into the gym with their classmates and I realized it was really over. These girls have been going to this preschool since they were 2 years old and before that Katelynn went here for 2 years! We have loved this preschool and all the teachers who have helped to make my girls who they are as students and young people.
I also broke down when Ms. Kim (Lindsey's teacher) gave me our "Klunder Care Can" that our friends at preschool put together for us to help us throughout these past months. We have been blessed with so many surprises from this can and today was no exception! The teachers had put together a surprise for us by going together and getting us a Bulldogs gift certificate which was increased by the owner when he heard who it was for. My heart was overwhelmed with all the love we were shown! I am one person with a horrible cancer inside of me and it has brought to us so many gifts! The number one gift is LOVE! Your love is a powerful medicine for this whole family! It has held us up when we wanted to fall apart or maybe not keep going during the hardest times! Your love has warmed us and allowed us to soar through these treatments in the style we have! Your love has filled me with the smiles I have kept on my face to show what is in my soul!
The outpouring for me has spread from one coast to the other and from over half the continents. As I try to absorb this I am overwhelmed! It is at this time that we are able to see the love people have for us in an amount form which is surreal to me! I am also aware that the feeling of love truly has no boarders or nor does it have to be physical! I have been receiving the most beautiful letters from the pastor who confirmed (..so many years ago) and they have been one of the best blessing for me! She influenced me to be the courageous, strong woman in faith that I am as well as be the caring and compassionate human to others! There was a song she would play at most of our meetings which to this day brings me comfort "Day By Day" and helps me find my way through different times. Rev. Nancy is an incredible lady who brings a peace to every room that she enters (or every letter opened that she writes)! She and her husband are now in North Carolina and it has been years since I have actually seen them but they are in my heart and I feel their prayers for me as a huge invisible hug! I feel these hugs from so many who I cannot wrap my arms around! The power of prayer has been amazing and the positive thoughts are all encompassing!
Please know that each of you are amazing to me and I do think of each of you often! Life has been changed but I am so thankful I have found the good in it all!
I am looking forward to the future and I can see that it truly is just around the corner! I have to get through these next weeks of appointments and prepare for the surgery but once this is completed the light will be shining so brightly! Blessings to all!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Today was a fantastic day!!
I was able to meet with my Nurse Navigator at the hospital to begin the next phase of treatment- surgery!!! Keith and I met Jen in the Women's Center where everything began last November. It was a little surreal to be back there now that I have completed chemo. It was a wonderful appointment because we were able to set up all the necessary appointments with the surgeons and talk about all to expect for this phase. Recovery does sound tough but it will be sooooo worth it! It is anticipated that I will have surgery in the middle of June if all goes well and I will stay in the hospital for at least 4 days. Recovery will be rough but after having the past 5 months of chemo I know I will be able to overcome the obstacles and become cancer free!!!
One of the other great things that came from my appointment at the hospital was that I was able to thank my ultrasound technicians who were so key to helping me during those horrible first days of testing and diagnosis, Michelle and Colleen. I loved being able to see them and let them know that I was doing well and was so grateful for how caring and wonderful they were for me during that time. I realize that I want to be able to let people know that I am thankful for them and for all they do.
I was also able to go to my follow up appointment with Dr. Chung. I took my mom with me so she could experience the caring and wonderful people who have taken care of me over these past 5 months. My port acted up which was humorous since it was one of the last times I needed it to work. It did finally work and my numbers were rather good for being less than 1 week out from chemo. The routine of chemo has become 2nd nature and it is such a family feeling in that office which has allowed me to relax there and be comfortable. I was complimented today by the oncology nurse staff when they told my mom that I bring sunshine and a party in with me each time I am there. I am so appreciative of all the people in the office and have stayed positive through the connections I have made with each of these wonderful people in this office. It was great to have mom also have a chance to see Dr. Chung in action. Mom was happy to see how thorough and helpful she is. Dr. Chung was glad to hear all was going as well as possible after this last treatment. I am dealing with swelling and more pain but it is all worth it knowing that I am done with chemo.
I left the Oncology office not having to go back there until July!! I have not been away from this office for more than 2 weeks during these past 5 months so it is a little difficult thinking about not going there. They did tell me I am welcome to visit any time and I am sure that July will come quickly.
I was in awe today of myself. The person who walked in that Women's Center today was a changed person from the one who went for her first mammogram in November 2010. I have a new found strength that is pulsing through my veins. I am also very aware of what is really important to me and that is positiveness. I am also aware that I want to make a difference in life.
So as I move on I am meeting with my oncology surgeon and my plastic surgeon over the next week and a half. I should have surgery in early June. What a successful day it has been!!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Prayers have been answered for my Grandma!!! She went to the surgeon and the plan is that they will remove the breast and have her take a cancer medicine (Tamoxifen) for the rest of her life. This will allow her heart and kidneys to be the least affected! Thank you for all your prayers!! This is a tangible way we can see them being answered! I was so excited tonight when Gram called me to tell me this news. I heard the relief in her voice and the love in her heart as she talked about how a huge weight was lifted from her.
I am doing rather well for this 4th night after chemo. I am not running a marathon or even able to do more than one set of stairs before I have to sit down for a rest. But I am moving and in less pain than yesterday. This is a better day and I know tomorrow will be an even better day!
Life is such a precious gift! Live it to the fullest!
I am doing rather well for this 4th night after chemo. I am not running a marathon or even able to do more than one set of stairs before I have to sit down for a rest. But I am moving and in less pain than yesterday. This is a better day and I know tomorrow will be an even better day!
Life is such a precious gift! Live it to the fullest!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I had an "Ah Ha" moment today on the phone with my dear friend Wendy. We were talking about how the girls were doing and about prom pictures for her daughter. As the conversation was wrapping up she complimented me by saying how good I sound. She talked about how up beat I am even with all that is going on. I realized that it is so easy to be upbeat as I am talking with others because I am drawing from them and their love for me! Our conversation also allowed me to focus on others and not think about the uncomfortable things I am experiencing!
Just a few minutes ago I just read a message from a former student of mine who I have found on facebook. This student was in one of the most special classes I have ever taught. It was an 8th grade algebra class in which I felt was the best year of teaching for me up until that time because I took these students from hating math to finding success and confidence in themselves. They are amazing young people! I am up at this hour because the unbearable pain in my feet has begun. As I read this message and all the other messages from dear old friends and family I am finding the pain to lessen. It is such a gift from God that I have been given all of you! Each of you are a hand picked person in my life and I will forever hold a special place in my heart for you!
I had a great talk with my Grandma today. Having had to go through the waiting after the Breast Cancer diagnosis, I knew that there would still be rough times ahead for her until she goes to the surgeon appointment on Monday so I wanted to check in with her. She is such a strong woman! She was still having a few rough moments but she was able to find more peace with it all! I know now that I have gone through this for a reason. I know after our conversation that I was able to help her over these past days and I am so thankful for that because she has always been there for me my whole life! Grandma has a heart of gold and she is one reason I am such a hugger! She was always showing us her love in so many ways-- making any breakfast we desired, allowing us to pull out all the family pics to go through for the 100th time, letting us go for walks around the farm, encouraging us to find a way to play nice with everyone, and always loving us grand-kids! I pray that the surgeon's decision provides her with peace and a safe way to proceed to rid her of these cells.
The girls had a wonderful day today with Grandma Cinde! They went to her house for the day and ate her out of house and home. They also played and played with all their favorite toys at her house! They came home worn out but so happy! They also got Grandma to go shopping and each came home with a prized possession from the store. I am always amazed at how different each are in every way. Katelynn was so excited to have gotten a diary that locks since it is such a challenge to keep anything safe with younger twin sisters. She also chose to get fake finger and toe nails. Lindsey was the first one in the door and straight down to me to show me her Justin Beiber poster that she wants hung right next to her bed. Then there is Sarah who had to have one of those claw grabbers to reach things that are high or pinch others. I am so blessed to have such a fantastic family!
Keith had a good day because he stuck around the house for me but he worked outside a great deal of time. He also was blessed to have our dear friend Dave come over and keep him company. They always enjoy working on projects together as well as just have good times together.
God bless you all and know you are such an important part of this journey I am on!
Just a few minutes ago I just read a message from a former student of mine who I have found on facebook. This student was in one of the most special classes I have ever taught. It was an 8th grade algebra class in which I felt was the best year of teaching for me up until that time because I took these students from hating math to finding success and confidence in themselves. They are amazing young people! I am up at this hour because the unbearable pain in my feet has begun. As I read this message and all the other messages from dear old friends and family I am finding the pain to lessen. It is such a gift from God that I have been given all of you! Each of you are a hand picked person in my life and I will forever hold a special place in my heart for you!
I had a great talk with my Grandma today. Having had to go through the waiting after the Breast Cancer diagnosis, I knew that there would still be rough times ahead for her until she goes to the surgeon appointment on Monday so I wanted to check in with her. She is such a strong woman! She was still having a few rough moments but she was able to find more peace with it all! I know now that I have gone through this for a reason. I know after our conversation that I was able to help her over these past days and I am so thankful for that because she has always been there for me my whole life! Grandma has a heart of gold and she is one reason I am such a hugger! She was always showing us her love in so many ways-- making any breakfast we desired, allowing us to pull out all the family pics to go through for the 100th time, letting us go for walks around the farm, encouraging us to find a way to play nice with everyone, and always loving us grand-kids! I pray that the surgeon's decision provides her with peace and a safe way to proceed to rid her of these cells.
The girls had a wonderful day today with Grandma Cinde! They went to her house for the day and ate her out of house and home. They also played and played with all their favorite toys at her house! They came home worn out but so happy! They also got Grandma to go shopping and each came home with a prized possession from the store. I am always amazed at how different each are in every way. Katelynn was so excited to have gotten a diary that locks since it is such a challenge to keep anything safe with younger twin sisters. She also chose to get fake finger and toe nails. Lindsey was the first one in the door and straight down to me to show me her Justin Beiber poster that she wants hung right next to her bed. Then there is Sarah who had to have one of those claw grabbers to reach things that are high or pinch others. I am so blessed to have such a fantastic family!
Keith had a good day because he stuck around the house for me but he worked outside a great deal of time. He also was blessed to have our dear friend Dave come over and keep him company. They always enjoy working on projects together as well as just have good times together.
God bless you all and know you are such an important part of this journey I am on!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Crossed the Chemo finish line!!
Today I went into the oncology office almost floating on air because it was a chemo day to celebrate! I have officially finished 10 chemo treatments!
It was a fun atmosphere because I shared my finishing day with one other lady, Judy who was a lovely lady! When we found out we both got up and hugged. We were strangers who are now bound by a sisterhood. I was also in the room with a beautiful lady, Reena whose battle is a constant one starting 4 years ago. She has to keep doing chemo for as long as she can withstand it. She was so very happy for us but I could tell she knew her battle may never end. I took the time to give her an extra hug and compliment her on how strong she was and how I will be praying for her! I also got to meet a patient that Dr. Chung connected with me because she thought we were very similar and Joanne is just beginning her chemo treatments. I was so glad to meet her in person so that I could really connect with her. I was so happy to be able to help explain the things that I wished I had known before I started chemo treatments! The nurses were so comforting and supportive but I knew the anxiety she was feeling from the unknown of how it would affect her and what truly would happen throughout the time. I can tell we will have a strong connection for along time!
As for me, I brought in muffins, bagels, and cream cheese to the whole staff to thank them for all they do! I also brought this food back to the chemo room to share. It was a festive feeling in a way but there was still the business of the treatments so it was not all fun and games. I also brought 5 special gifts for the angels in that office who helped me the whole way to find comfort even in the scariest of moments. The first gift I gave was to Dr. Chung. I had found the most awesome "GRATITUDE" bracelets that allow you to look at each letter bead and remember the 10 things you are thankful for each day. I wear this bracelet each day and I wanted her to know that she is always one of my ten things I am thankful for each day! She and I cried because she told me that she is so thankful for knowing me! I have taught her a great deal throughout the time we have had together. She is the PERFECT doctor for me as I need to feel comfortable and be able to know she cares about what happens to me and I am not a chart number. I followed this gift with giving gifts to 3 nurses and Lauren, my nurse tech who I have bonded with. I gave one to Lisa my chemo nurse who also has a Wauconda connection and even a 3rd grader in Katelynn's class. Then I gave Jennifer, my nurse practitioner who has taught me my chemo classes and supported me throughout the entire journey. She is also a mom of boy twins who are almost 3 and a almost 6 year old daughter, so we are always swapping kid stories which bonds us even more. Maria is my other chemo nurse who was not here today but I will give her one on Thursday when I go in for my labs and doctors appointment. She is so special because she has had to deal with my prot each time it has refused to give blood. She is a miracle worker because she always gets it working again with "DRANO."
I am absolutely exhausted from all the Benadryl they gave me and other lovely drugs, but I do not have pain yet. I am finally awake and want to share these memories with you all. I also could not be here at the finish line of these treatments without you all! The prayers have kept me safe and strong! The smiles and cards have brought me such joy! The meals have fed us and taken such a burden off of Keith and I. All the help you have given us is God sent! THANK YOU!
The next step is to get appointments with my 2 surgeons to find the date of my surgery. I am very scared of the surgery. I am most worried about not waking up from it. I know this is not what will happen with God's help. I just have a hard time not worrying about the next phase of this journey!
Hair is growing back!!! I was even brave enough to take off my chemo hat and show some others how it was growing back in. It really feels like baby hair and the color changes daily so it is any ones guess what it will be in the end!
I am still having trouble with the news that my Grandma is having to deal with this cancer herself. Yesterday, I got a call from my mom. She had to tell me that my grandma was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She is 82 years young and she has had many health issues over the past few years. She is such a wonderful woman who keeps this family together with her love, caring, and faith. I cried! No one else should have to go through this! I am thankful that it looks like it was caught early and may not have spread beyond the area of the lump. I talked with her on the phone tonight and we cried together. I tried to comfort her and let her know that what she is feeling is "normal." I also told her how much I love her and will be praying for her journey with cancer to be easy and she be cured quickly. I know she is going to get through all they will have her do for it! I know that she is in the darkest stage of the disease and I do not want this to affect her in a negative way! I wish I could take it away from her and allow her to turn back time to when she was cancer free. This is not possible and it will help her to remember to put herself in the front of the line of people she helps and loves. She is the person who taught me how to show my love for everyone and she is the one who reminds us all the time how important family togetherness is. I love her so very much!
I ask for prayers for Judy's successful end of her treatments, for good health and positive spirits for Reena, for a successful journey for Joanne, for Grandma Moore as she learns what type of battle will be waged, and for myself as I move on to the next step of this journey. Thank you for all your support, love and prayers! You all have helped make miracles and peace come to me and my family!
It was a fun atmosphere because I shared my finishing day with one other lady, Judy who was a lovely lady! When we found out we both got up and hugged. We were strangers who are now bound by a sisterhood. I was also in the room with a beautiful lady, Reena whose battle is a constant one starting 4 years ago. She has to keep doing chemo for as long as she can withstand it. She was so very happy for us but I could tell she knew her battle may never end. I took the time to give her an extra hug and compliment her on how strong she was and how I will be praying for her! I also got to meet a patient that Dr. Chung connected with me because she thought we were very similar and Joanne is just beginning her chemo treatments. I was so glad to meet her in person so that I could really connect with her. I was so happy to be able to help explain the things that I wished I had known before I started chemo treatments! The nurses were so comforting and supportive but I knew the anxiety she was feeling from the unknown of how it would affect her and what truly would happen throughout the time. I can tell we will have a strong connection for along time!
As for me, I brought in muffins, bagels, and cream cheese to the whole staff to thank them for all they do! I also brought this food back to the chemo room to share. It was a festive feeling in a way but there was still the business of the treatments so it was not all fun and games. I also brought 5 special gifts for the angels in that office who helped me the whole way to find comfort even in the scariest of moments. The first gift I gave was to Dr. Chung. I had found the most awesome "GRATITUDE" bracelets that allow you to look at each letter bead and remember the 10 things you are thankful for each day. I wear this bracelet each day and I wanted her to know that she is always one of my ten things I am thankful for each day! She and I cried because she told me that she is so thankful for knowing me! I have taught her a great deal throughout the time we have had together. She is the PERFECT doctor for me as I need to feel comfortable and be able to know she cares about what happens to me and I am not a chart number. I followed this gift with giving gifts to 3 nurses and Lauren, my nurse tech who I have bonded with. I gave one to Lisa my chemo nurse who also has a Wauconda connection and even a 3rd grader in Katelynn's class. Then I gave Jennifer, my nurse practitioner who has taught me my chemo classes and supported me throughout the entire journey. She is also a mom of boy twins who are almost 3 and a almost 6 year old daughter, so we are always swapping kid stories which bonds us even more. Maria is my other chemo nurse who was not here today but I will give her one on Thursday when I go in for my labs and doctors appointment. She is so special because she has had to deal with my prot each time it has refused to give blood. She is a miracle worker because she always gets it working again with "DRANO."
I am absolutely exhausted from all the Benadryl they gave me and other lovely drugs, but I do not have pain yet. I am finally awake and want to share these memories with you all. I also could not be here at the finish line of these treatments without you all! The prayers have kept me safe and strong! The smiles and cards have brought me such joy! The meals have fed us and taken such a burden off of Keith and I. All the help you have given us is God sent! THANK YOU!
The next step is to get appointments with my 2 surgeons to find the date of my surgery. I am very scared of the surgery. I am most worried about not waking up from it. I know this is not what will happen with God's help. I just have a hard time not worrying about the next phase of this journey!
Hair is growing back!!! I was even brave enough to take off my chemo hat and show some others how it was growing back in. It really feels like baby hair and the color changes daily so it is any ones guess what it will be in the end!
I am still having trouble with the news that my Grandma is having to deal with this cancer herself. Yesterday, I got a call from my mom. She had to tell me that my grandma was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She is 82 years young and she has had many health issues over the past few years. She is such a wonderful woman who keeps this family together with her love, caring, and faith. I cried! No one else should have to go through this! I am thankful that it looks like it was caught early and may not have spread beyond the area of the lump. I talked with her on the phone tonight and we cried together. I tried to comfort her and let her know that what she is feeling is "normal." I also told her how much I love her and will be praying for her journey with cancer to be easy and she be cured quickly. I know she is going to get through all they will have her do for it! I know that she is in the darkest stage of the disease and I do not want this to affect her in a negative way! I wish I could take it away from her and allow her to turn back time to when she was cancer free. This is not possible and it will help her to remember to put herself in the front of the line of people she helps and loves. She is the person who taught me how to show my love for everyone and she is the one who reminds us all the time how important family togetherness is. I love her so very much!
I ask for prayers for Judy's successful end of her treatments, for good health and positive spirits for Reena, for a successful journey for Joanne, for Grandma Moore as she learns what type of battle will be waged, and for myself as I move on to the next step of this journey. Thank you for all your support, love and prayers! You all have helped make miracles and peace come to me and my family!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tears are falling quite easily these days! I am receiving such wonderful compliments as I begin to say goodbye to my students and my colleagues. I will be heading to my LAST chemo treatment on Friday and will begin my leave after the following week. I have been preparing my students for my leave and they are such a wonderful group of students. They make me laugh for so many reasons but today it was because 5 of them refused to leave the classroom when our time was up. They said they were protesting and wanted to stay with me for as long as they could! They have also begun to leave me presents. The cards from the parents are so supportive and complimentary of me. I read one card and cried because it said "...you have not only taught the students math but also life lessons they will take with them." I love being a teacher and have always tried to show all my students why math is fun and help them to learn to love learning. To hear that this journey has also impacted these students in a positive way because of how I chose to go about living even through all the treatments.
Life is going to change for a while soon. After I recover from this final treatment, I will head off to getting ready for surgery and then have surgery sometime in early June. It will be a change for us but I look forward get through that part of this journey!
The girls are the ones I am most worried about! I am seeing some anxiety rise from them all as they try to understand what is going on. Sarah is constantly in a bad mood and is struggling to sleep through the night or even sleep well when she does sleep. Lindsey asks a lot of questions as she tries to understand what will happen to mommy now. Katelynn does not like to talk about it at all! She would rather ignore it all or just be concerned about whose house she goes to during this last treatment Friday. I will look forward to the day I can give them back their normal!
I am a bundle of emotions and working on taking all the compliments everyone is giving me! I am struggling to make sure everyone knows how thankful I am for all they have done for me! You are all part of the reason I have made it this far and doing so well! I am a person who needs people around me to keep my strong and those of you who have helped me are so very special to me! Thank you!!!
Life is going to change for a while soon. After I recover from this final treatment, I will head off to getting ready for surgery and then have surgery sometime in early June. It will be a change for us but I look forward get through that part of this journey!
The girls are the ones I am most worried about! I am seeing some anxiety rise from them all as they try to understand what is going on. Sarah is constantly in a bad mood and is struggling to sleep through the night or even sleep well when she does sleep. Lindsey asks a lot of questions as she tries to understand what will happen to mommy now. Katelynn does not like to talk about it at all! She would rather ignore it all or just be concerned about whose house she goes to during this last treatment Friday. I will look forward to the day I can give them back their normal!
I am a bundle of emotions and working on taking all the compliments everyone is giving me! I am struggling to make sure everyone knows how thankful I am for all they have done for me! You are all part of the reason I have made it this far and doing so well! I am a person who needs people around me to keep my strong and those of you who have helped me are so very special to me! Thank you!!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friendship has given me strength throughout this tough time in life!
This weekend was one full of time spent with friends and loved ones which has brought me so much joy and laughter! I feel stronger having had this time with everyone!
I was surprised by my dear friend Katie (from Ohio) on Saturday. She drove in for the weekend and had a friend from elementary school through high school meet us for lunch on Saturday. It was such a wonderful surprise to walk into a favorite restaurant and be greeted by Amy. It has been years since I last ran into her at the mall and even then we barely caught up with each other. This lunch was such a blessing for me! I loved catching up as well asreminiscing about old times when we had sleep overs and were in school together! These two women are some of the friends I will hold dear to me since we have seen each other through so much of our lives!
Saturday evening Keith and I got to go out with our dear friends, Chris and Melissa. We were actually on a real double date and it was wonderful! We met at the Moore family's FAVORITE restaurant where we shared drinks, food and great conversation. Then Keith and I were surprised with a very generous gift from Melissa's family and some good friends! We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people who love us and take such good care of us in so many ways! This was a fantastic evening that we will cherish forever.
Today for Mother's day I chose to "runaway" with my mom and have some time with her alone! We had a fantastic time together and even met up with Brad to have lunch in Libertyville with him. It was so great to be with mom and Brad and have a chance to really talk without any distractions!
Then tonight the girls and Keith gave me all my kid-made presents which are the sweetest gifts! After that we went to my favoriteWauconda restaurant for a delicious meal and a fun time with my family.
I am so blessed to have such a large support system who love us all so much! The support and love I have received is almost overwhelming at times for me to think about! I am constantly wondering how I will be able to thank all of you for all you do!
This weekend was one full of time spent with friends and loved ones which has brought me so much joy and laughter! I feel stronger having had this time with everyone!
I was surprised by my dear friend Katie (from Ohio) on Saturday. She drove in for the weekend and had a friend from elementary school through high school meet us for lunch on Saturday. It was such a wonderful surprise to walk into a favorite restaurant and be greeted by Amy. It has been years since I last ran into her at the mall and even then we barely caught up with each other. This lunch was such a blessing for me! I loved catching up as well asreminiscing about old times when we had sleep overs and were in school together! These two women are some of the friends I will hold dear to me since we have seen each other through so much of our lives!
Saturday evening Keith and I got to go out with our dear friends, Chris and Melissa. We were actually on a real double date and it was wonderful! We met at the Moore family's FAVORITE restaurant where we shared drinks, food and great conversation. Then Keith and I were surprised with a very generous gift from Melissa's family and some good friends! We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people who love us and take such good care of us in so many ways! This was a fantastic evening that we will cherish forever.
Today for Mother's day I chose to "runaway" with my mom and have some time with her alone! We had a fantastic time together and even met up with Brad to have lunch in Libertyville with him. It was so great to be with mom and Brad and have a chance to really talk without any distractions!
Then tonight the girls and Keith gave me all my kid-made presents which are the sweetest gifts! After that we went to my favoriteWauconda restaurant for a delicious meal and a fun time with my family.
I am so blessed to have such a large support system who love us all so much! The support and love I have received is almost overwhelming at times for me to think about! I am constantly wondering how I will be able to thank all of you for all you do!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tough Good-byes
I am about to have to say many good-byes which are going to be hard!
On May 12th, I will be saying good-bye to my students as I begin my leave from work through the end of this school year. As I type this I am tearing up because these young people have been some of my best cheerleaders and medicine throughout these last 6 months! They have helped me to keep going even when I was exhausted and in pain because they would be so excited to have me teach them on the days I was at school! They were also so disappointed when they knew I would be missing school for treatments. This is a special group of students that will always have a special place in my heart!
After May 20th, I will have to say good-bye to all the staff at my oncologists office. The nurses in the chemo room have become part of our family and the girls at the front are wonderful! I will be back in the office but it will not be like it has been these past 6 months. I definitely do not want to have to ever go through chemo again so I will find a way to go back and "visit" these fantastic people!!
These are going to be some tough days for me emotionally but I know it is part of life! This journey has taken me on such a roller coaster and the ride is still not over. It is just changing!
I am still in pain but it is a little less each day. I can tell it will not completely leave even by the next chemo. I am trying not to overdo but it is tough since I am down to only 2 more weeks of work. It is hard to wrap up a year early without getting the loose ends tied up. I have a wonderful sub taking over so I know whatever I do not do she will help me out by doing it. So I am not truly stressing out. This body is showing that it has been beaten up by all these toxins. I keep looking towards September when I will be a whole new and healthy Lynn! :)
On May 12th, I will be saying good-bye to my students as I begin my leave from work through the end of this school year. As I type this I am tearing up because these young people have been some of my best cheerleaders and medicine throughout these last 6 months! They have helped me to keep going even when I was exhausted and in pain because they would be so excited to have me teach them on the days I was at school! They were also so disappointed when they knew I would be missing school for treatments. This is a special group of students that will always have a special place in my heart!
After May 20th, I will have to say good-bye to all the staff at my oncologists office. The nurses in the chemo room have become part of our family and the girls at the front are wonderful! I will be back in the office but it will not be like it has been these past 6 months. I definitely do not want to have to ever go through chemo again so I will find a way to go back and "visit" these fantastic people!!
These are going to be some tough days for me emotionally but I know it is part of life! This journey has taken me on such a roller coaster and the ride is still not over. It is just changing!
I am still in pain but it is a little less each day. I can tell it will not completely leave even by the next chemo. I am trying not to overdo but it is tough since I am down to only 2 more weeks of work. It is hard to wrap up a year early without getting the loose ends tied up. I have a wonderful sub taking over so I know whatever I do not do she will help me out by doing it. So I am not truly stressing out. This body is showing that it has been beaten up by all these toxins. I keep looking towards September when I will be a whole new and healthy Lynn! :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
Pain is my new normal...
I have come to the conclusion that for the next month a solid dose of pain is my new normal. I do wake up in the morning with the least amount of pain. As the day goes on the pain creeps into all of my parts of my body and the tiredness takes over. I am finding that by 7pm I am pretty much done for the day.
It is amazing to think that in just over one month I should have my surgery done and be recovering. By August I will have finished all the various treatments for this cancer and be heading into a new school year with energy and happiness! I will also have a fourth grader and two Kindergarteners!!! It will be such a different Lynn that comes back in the Fall-- in so many ways!! :)
It is amazing to think that in just over one month I should have my surgery done and be recovering. By August I will have finished all the various treatments for this cancer and be heading into a new school year with energy and happiness! I will also have a fourth grader and two Kindergarteners!!! It will be such a different Lynn that comes back in the Fall-- in so many ways!! :)
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