Punch in the stomach

Dear God,
Please give me the strength to deal with all the news that has been given to me.  Give the team of doctors the knowledge to make the right decision in how to move forward.  Give the pathologists the ability to find out the answer to the testing that is causing such confusion.  And please God help me to keep a positive outlook on any answer that comes my way.  Thank you for all the days I have been blessed to live and please help me to have many more.
Amen

I am just now processing all that I learned from my Oncologist an hour ago on the phone.  Dr. Chung called me while we were on our way home from a family breakfast with my mom.  As I heard all the information she had to tell me I stayed up beat and tried to remember everything she was telling me.  It is just as I had thought:  we are waiting on the pathologists to complete another test to figure out if I am Herceptin positive.  The previous tests they have run have come up mainly negative with a slight chance of part of the tumor being positive.  They are wanting a definitive answer and the cells are not cooperating.  Those results should be in by Thursday of next week which is also the day of the Breast Cancer conference the doctors have where they bring up current patients.  My cells will be up on a big screen to be looked at and discussed.  Dr. Chung let me know that even in that group she knows they will not all agree on everything but that will allow us to have options and ideas to discuss.

So here is what it means for me:  If i am Herceptin positive there is a drug that I would have to be given every three weeks for a year.  It would be like going through chemo again but without the side effects of chemo. The only real concern that comes from taking this drug is that it could cause weakening of the heart (cardio toxicity).  I would have to have the strange heart test I had before chemo four times throughout the year to ensure this was not happening to me-- FUN!! 

I wanted to be able to celebrate that this battle was over and we could all feel so good that we won this battle together....... BUT that is not the case right now.  I guess this is one of those wars that must go on a little longer to have a better outcome.  I do not look forward to the idea of having another year of putting drugs into my body BUT there is no question I want to live for A LONG TIME!!!  I still have so much I want to do in this world so I am willing to do what it takes!!!!!