A very innocent thing happened today that stopped me in my tracks... I got a reminder letter to make my annual OB-Gyne appointment.  Now this letter should be just the typical dread of this lovely must-do instead it was a tearful reminder of all that a year has meant to me!  This was where it all began last year and I was absolutely overwhelmed with emotions.  So many thoughts ran through my head all at once:  disbelief that it has already been close to a year since last November, thrilled that I can go to that appointment being cancer free, sadness, need to talk about all the changes in my body to find help, and even some excitement to have the chance to thank Dr. Huang for being the one to find the tumor and sent me on my journey with some fantastic doctors.  I will have to call and make this appointment and face it when it comes.

I am finding myself fighting the urge to try to be normal and overdo.  This weekend was the perfect example.  I was in the sun way too much and I tried to do way too much when it came to taking the camper down.  It was hot and sunny and I had all my energy drained in a matter of minutes!!  It has taken until tonight to feel better which feels so unusual since I want to be able to do more than my body will allow me.  I am really grateful that I can do all that I do and I usually remember that I am still recovering as well as still going through treatments. 

As I was talking to my friends over lunch today I realized another reason I want to share this story with you all... I want to spread the knowledge that cancer treatment is not scary!!!  Don't get me wrong cancer itself is terrifying and I cannot make that any easier, but the treatments are not.  In talking and in taking others with me to my treatments has opened my eyes to how "mythical" these treatments are to most people.  We hear about them in a broad sense and it is usually in some form of negative sense.  I would love to be able to take each of you into the different treatments to let you know how not scary they really are... that is my new goal so keep an eye out for this in the future.  BUT the one thing I do know that all the people who have been involved in my treatments are some of the most caring, wonderful people I have ever met!  It is such a blessing to be taken care of by all of them!

In talking with a former students mom today I realized that I have supporters in almost all 50 states as well as many other places around the world.  It was another emotional moment of my day when I was talking about how awesome it was to be honored by my former student who did Relay for Life and put out a luminary for me along the route she walked.  This allowed me to add another state to my list and warmed my heart that I have been able to inspire my students while I taught them as well as long after.  I am a teacher who really does care about the students who become part of my family each year.  Teaching is not just a job but is everything I have always wanted to do!  I know that is why I have been able to find the strength to teach even through last years treatments. 

Life is so short so love what you do!

Oh how I wish my body would go back to normal!!!

We are back from camping in Wisconsin this weekend with our friends the Jones'.  It was a gorgeous weekend that was so much fun and in the middle was relaxing!!  Katelynn and I had a memorable time driving up to the campground together after school.  We listened to music, sang to some songs, talked about school and how much fun she is having, and just plain enjoyed being together!  That was AWESOME!! 
When we made it to the site we were welcomed by the twins and Keith as well as having a camper that was set up... OH how nice it was not to have to do manual labor after a long Friday!
Once the Jones family made it up to the campground we all drove down to a favorite steak restaurant to enjoy a fun dinner together!  This was so nice as Beth and I did not have to cook, clean or even think about chores for the night.  The girls were wonderful and so grown up as they all ordered for themselves and were so appropriate little ladies!  I cannot believe they are all growing up so fast!
Saturday was a fun day of riding bikes, swimming for the girls, a cake eating contest that Sarah tried (and should have won but the littler girl next to her won the hearts of the judges), an ice cream social, and playing at the park... oh and the mommies took a nap sometime in the middle of the day.  :)  These are all memories I love to think about when I am stuck in bed or feeling awful!  We also had our campfire at night for the good old s'more eating  although we tried a new one by using Milky Ways instead of plain chocolate... interesting!
Today was an exhausting day!  I got the whole camper packed up and in the van by 9:45am.  We ate breakfast and then took the girls for a quick swim around 10:30am.  Keith closed up the camper by noon and we were on the road by 12:30 pm heading for Wauconda.  I drove home fine but I could feel the blanket of exhaustion begin to cover me as we got closer to home.  By 4pm the van was unpacked and I was taking a nap.  I am better now but most of my body is still yelling at me for overdoing so I will be heading to bed shortly!

A favorite quote from the weekend:  Sarah says to me as we are walking to the pool... "Mommy how can you be walking faster than all of us and you have cancer??"  I told her that it was because I was never going to let the cancer win and so I was going to keep on moving!

10 more to go...

It's been a week since last I wrote on this blog and boy has the time flown!!  Radiation is going well and I am blessed to have very few side-effects.  The skin that is most sensitive is showing signs of redness and I have an ache/ pain in my underarm but other than that it is rather easy!!  I am down to only 10 more treatments until this phase of treatment is over and I am just amazed at how this has fit in my life so much easier than I could have imagined!  The only complaint is that since school has begun the traffic has increased by at least double so I have to leave earlier than before but again that is such a minor complaint!!  It just means I have that many more minutes all to myself in the car!

More blessings have come our way in the fact that the teachers my children got this year are all WONDERFUL and a perfect fit for each!  I am also so blessed to have found 2 fantastic tutors for Katelynn to get her on the right track again!  Last year was just such a horrific year academically and emotionally that I want to give her a boost and these two ladies are the BEST!!! Sarah has such an academic teacher who is inspiring her to soar in reading and her love for learning.  Lindsey has a beautiful, young teacher who is full of energy just like Lindsey!! She is also very fashionable so we get to hear about all of her shoes and outfits she wears to school that Lindsey loves!  :)  Oh how they are all different and have such different needs and likes!

Even more blessings have come with the recovery of my Grandma who had the heart attack. She is still in the hospital but she is doing so well and her appetite is back!!  :)

Life is going well and I am trying to keep all the lessons I have learned over these months in the back of my mind so that I live life as I should and want to do!

Smiles to all!

Cancer Free!! Cancer Free!  Cancer Free!

It is still surreal to think that I am able to say I am a survivor and mean it!!  Yesterday and today were so busy in our house because school started for all the girls!  I have a 4th grader and two Kindergartners!!  The girls have had such a fantastic start to this new school year!  They love their teachers and are so excited to see how the rest of the year will go. 

I too have gone back to work as of today.  We had our teacher institute at work and will then welcome the students back on Monday.  My room is decorated and I still need to organize since we just moved in two weeks ago.  But it is all very much in need of the students to make it feel complete.

Radiation is going rather well!  I am having a little redness show up on the skin that has never seen the sun.  I am also dealing with the area where the lymph nodes were removed being sore and irritated.  But overall I am doing very well throughout this treatment.  I have completed 13 out of the 28 radiation treatments so tomorrow is my half way point.

I have been so excited to share with all of you these experience but there are no words that can explain how happy I was to share this new status with you!!  Out of this horrible nightmare has come so many beautiful things and the one that will stay with me forever will be the thoughtfulness and love that you have all shown me and my family!  We have been showered with so many gifts from the gift of friendship to the latest most generous gift Keith has been given probably in his whole life:  a trip to Las Vegas all expenses paid.  This has come from his cousin Sean who could not have been more generous or more caring when he and his wife offered Keith this chance to have a break from life and go out for some true fun!!  Our families have come through for us in so many ways!  This trip for Keith is an answer to my prayers because I am in awe of all he has done for the girls and I since diagnosis!  Our lives were turned upside down and he kept the ship going in the right direction the entire time!  He is truly an amazing person and I am so blessed to have him as my husband!!

The messages, hugs and smiles from everyone who has congratulated me are absolutely priceless!!  Just as you tell me I am an inspiration, please know that it would not have been possible without you all!

I am CANCER FREE!!!
Happy Birthday Mom!!

I am back from radiation and seeing Dr. Posner who just gave me the news that I have been cancer free since surgery.  Radiation & Herceptin are really just being done to ensure that none of these cancer cells can live anywhere else in my body!!

These past months since surgery I have been so overwhelmed by all the new decisions and all the changes in treatment that I really did not ask this question until today... when can I yell from the rooftops that I have beaten this cancer??  Dr. Posner was so wonderful to explain to me that he considered me cancer free after surgery!!  Dr. Ganshirt went in and took out the cancer.  He said that means you are officially a survivor and now all these treatments are to ensure none of these little demons have been or will be able to spread to another part of me and wreak havoc!! I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted from me and I am free!!!  I knew this burden was heavy but I really cannot tell you how truly heavy it was!!  My elephant is gone and I can breathe freely!!
The best thing is this news comes on my mom's birthday!!  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful mom and I cannot think another day I would have wanted to find this out on!!  I love you MOM!!!

....time....

Time is one of those four letter words that can be both good and bad...
I am sitting here realizing how much time feels different in all kinds of situations!!  Tomorrow is the last day of summer break for my children and it feels like it has flown by so quickly but then when I think back to my surgery which was at the beginning of summer it feels like an eternity. 

It is funny how some times the time flies and other times it drags its heals and forces us to face the situation one way or another!!

Radiation is another strange way time is both going fast and slow... I have completed 10 whole treatments.  When it comes to going into the office and seeing all the wonderful people involved in my treatment the time is flying by and I know I will be sad to say good-bye to them all.  Then when it comes to the actually treatments and the side-effects it feels like time is going soooo slow!!  I have 18 more to go and I am having some redness and some discomfort on the skin occurring.  With less than half of the treatments done I am praying that the skin irritation slows down but that is highly unlikely.  Although I am keeping it at bay with all the ointments and lotions they recommend.  September 9th is the last day of radiation and I am planning to CELEBRATE!!!  Other than the Herceptin which is like an insurance policy for me to ward off this cancer I am done with all the treatments!!!  Although I am graduating cancer treatments to begin taking the drug Tamoxifen for the next 5 years. 

Time has flown since the twins were born.  To be honest when we found out I was having twins I was in pure shock for weeks!!  Then when the pregnancy went so well I was hopeful I had enough strength to get through their delivery and first year of life.  I did that and am proud to say loved every moment of their first year!!  I have enjoyed each of the last four and a half as well -- although some a little less than others, like the 3s to 4s could have been a little less stressful and tantrums.  To know that on Thursday morning I will be putting them on the school bus for the first time is bitter sweet!  I am excited for them and so thankful that I am here to see it and be a part of it!!  I am also so amazed that Katelynn is going to be going to 4th grade on Wednesday morning!!  Her first four years of school have flown by!!  I cannot believe all my kids are growing up so fast!!

School is right around the corner...

I am preparing for my 14th beginning to the school year and I am almost as excited as the first year I go my job here at Oak Grove!!  I have so many reasons to be excited and so many revolve around my family at work and the students I love to teach.  I also excited to see all the families in the district who have been so amazing to me with or without cancer!!  I am about to begin teaching the last child in one family who I have been blessed to teach all of their children since the oldest was in 2nd grade 6 years ago.  This family has also been so supportive all of those years and have become good friends due to activities all of our kids have been involved in over the years.  It will be bittersweet to end this school year because it will be like an ending of an era BUT I will then do the same with many other families as more and more siblings grow up.  This same family gave me a fabulous gift while I was recovering from surgery-- a box of pink fortune cookies!!  They really are fun and cheered me up so much because every time you open them they have a message of well wishes for ME!!

There are so many people at Oak Grove that I cannot wait to spend more time with!!  Teaching is my calling and this place is where I am supposed to do this!

My own children begin school this coming week... where did the time go?  I am so thankful that I am able to see them off to their first day before I start work.  It is the big year for us since Katelynn is in 4th grade and the twins are in Kindergarten!!!  We have made it!!  The supplies are bought the clothes are picked out and the shoes are found and matched up.  I am looking forward to having them all in the same school!  Keith will get a little more sleep with the schedule so he is happy!  :)

Life is an adventure and I know this week will be one of the biggest so far!

God shown Himself to me again today when He helped me realize all of this is His doing!  The light bulb in my head went off today brighter than ever and I have such a warmth in my heart still as answers have come to me...  I am a person who needs others to get through my life journey.  I feel the best when I am a care giver to all I meet.  This is why I was meant to be a teacher, a mother, a wife, a friend and this is why I want to make this experience bigger than myself by way of helping others on their journey have it a little easier than even I did. 

I am going to see a former student of mine tomorrow to say good-bye and good luck at college as she ventures out to MSU for her Freshman year.  I am so very excited to be able to see her before she goes and wish her well.  This connection could have easily ended after I taught her but it never did.  We would talk in the halls when I saw her and then as she got older I would be able to go to her mother's store to see her when she worked.  I missed a few years when I had the twins and was in over my head at home but then we caught up soon after.  Lauren is one of many students I am still in contact with who have gone on in their life's journey and I am proud of each and every one of them!!  I actually know that one of my very first 7th grade students has just recently gotten married.  I cried when I saw her pics on Facebook because she and her girlfriend Linsdey were the two students I invited to my wedding the year after I taught them. 

I realize that I am given so much more than I am even able to give to my students.  This past year they picked me up with their carefree way of living and kept me going when I probably should have been down for the count.  I truly do welcome each of my students into my family when they spend a year with me and it is so beautiful when the connections lasts throughout all the years!

I have been so exhilarated to be able to help others on this cancer journey.  I realize that there are some who do not want to talk about it and I respect them but it is wonderful to know that others have been encouraged by me.  Today in the chemo room was another prime example.  I sat in my normal chair and my friend, Wendi who normally keeps the girls for me was able to take me today (Keith went fishing with her husband and their boys while my mom kept the girls for me.).  There was a lady next to us who was quiet at first and I hoped we would not annoy her since I knew we would talk through the time.  As all the nurses came by and chatted it up with us one thing caught this woman's attention.... so she opened up and began to ask me about radiation.  She was going to begin it in 6 to 9 weeks and wondered what it was all about.  I was able to reassure her that it was quick most days and that the Grayslake building was the place to go!  From then on we had fun little conversations about family and this journey.  She fell asleep for some of it (good old Benadryl) but it was great when we could talk. 
Wendi, Katie, Keith and my mom are the only other people who have witnessed the overwhelming reception I get when I walk in that oncology office...  It starts at the front desk where the ladies know me and just hand me what I need and send me on my way.  Then through the first door, I run into the Nurse Practitioner, Jennifer who today loved my hair and had to feel how soft it was and give me a huge hug!!  After that in the chemo room I am greeted by one of my favorite nurses, Maria- who finds my veins even when they hide far far away.  Each nurse that comes by says Hi and chats briefly.  Finally in the exam room Dr. Chung comes in after I have had vitals done my friend, Lauren and chatted with her quickly.  Today was a great appointment because we went over med changes I have to make in order to begin the Tamoxafin (5 years of pills).  We also talked about my reaction to the first Herceptin which was a lingering headache and some dizziness.  She also made sure to check in on the family and how I was truly feeling and how radiation was going. 

The Herceptin treatment was not bad.  I did not get Benadryl so that was good!  I became tired but it comes more from the drag of sitting there while this fluid goes into your veins.  It was great to have Wendi to talk with throughout the whole time.  Plus I love to show others that having cancer is not as scary as it sounds.  After the drug was in me, we left to go to radiation.  That office is just as awesome!! With traffic we got there right as they were in lunch but my two favorite Radiation Therapists were there and they came right out to do my treatment.  Since I had Wendi with me they invited her into the radiation room to see how it all works as they set me up... Keith is jealous since he has never seen this yet.  :)  The treatment was done in 10 minutes and I changed and we were out of there.

When I got home I realized how tired I was so I finally listened to my body and stayed home while Keith and the twins went to the beach with Wendi's family and many other friends.... where was Katelynn??  Oh she decided to be defiant and scream at me so she lost her chance to go!!!  Boy if this is happening now, what will the teenage years look like???  SCARY!!

I am feeling much better and really have no side effects this time at all!  Life is looking good!

God has blessed me with all the people I love and who love me!  Smiles and love are my most powerful tools in life!

What a day...

I am beginning to see how things are going to start to get difficult with radiation in the summer!!  I am beginning to see my skin turn red and there is a part of my under arm that is becoming increasingly more sore!  I am also struggling because when I wear a bra the snugness of it hurts after a while but if I do not wear one then my skin becomes irritated from the areas rubbing each other.  OH the trouble with getting a fake tan in areas that have never seen the sun!!!  :)

I am rather exhausted today because yesterday was a FULL day... I went to radiation at 8:30 am with Katelynn and then we went to Oak Grove to work on my new room.  I was met by two dear friends, Ellen and Ashley who brought Baby Elizabeth.  It was so great to have help from Ellen getting this room all ready and talking with Ashley as she gets ready to return to teaching this year.  After a few hours we had to leave so that I could pick up the twins and take everyone over to Mom's.  I then went to a class put on by the American Cancer Society  called Look Good...Feel Better.  We were taught how to use make-up to cover up some chemo and radiation symptoms as well as learn about proper face cleansing and how to keep our skin as healthy as possible.  I am so thankful this opportunity is out there for us!  I left there early to get back to meet Dad and Katelynn to drive together down to Joliet to go see Grandma.  The drive was about an hour and a half with little congestion.  We went up to her ICU room and met up with my great aunt and great uncle who we let have the first 5 minutes of the visit with Gram.  We were in the wait room with Grandpa and chatted with him.  It was good to see that Grandpa was holding up to all this stress and he still had a good sense of humor.  Grandma was in so much pain and was so tired when we saw her.  She is struggling to eat and had a tough time taking her pills.  She is a trooper and was so happy to see Katelynn!!  We brought up lots of art work to decorate her room as well as pictures we printed out for her.  ICU is rather sterile and without anything I would call cheery.  It is not a very happy place which does not help raise anyone's spirits!!  I am so thankful I saw Grandma and that we were able to bring a smile to her face... Katelynn specifically made her laugh when she told Gram how excited she was to be 12 for the day (the age you need to be to go into ICU) and then she planned to sneak her sisters into Gram's room by putting them in a suitcase and zipping them in...that way she can roll them in and roll them out without any of those nurses seeing...... oh what a great imagination!!!

Today everyone was slow to get up since we were up late last night!  When Keith got home we all got ready and went to radiation together.  The kids did well waiting in the front waiting room while I went into radiation.  Then we took them to Einstein Bagels for a quick breakfast and went to Oak Grove.  Keith helped me by making some shelves fit into the new room.  The girls unloaded boxes onto these shelves and I was able to put up posters on the wall.  It is so good to be getting the room ready!

The rest of the day was being a taxi mom and then taking the girls to Mom's so I could go to my Twins club dinner.  We all met at a Libertyville restaurant and celebrated the outgoing board and the incoming board.  These ladies are so important to me because they are the ones who know all that it takes to raise twins and all the struggles that goes along with it!  I had such a fantastic night talking and laughing and just plain enjoying myself!!  I am so blessed!!!

I am exhausted again and must go to sleep soon since tomorrow is another full day!  I will have my 2nd dose of Herceptin and then go to radiation after that.  I am excited because my friend, Wendi is coming with me while Keith goes fishing and mom keeps the girls.  It will be a fun, new day for all of us!

Wishes granted and prayers needed

All along this journey I have been "complaining" that I am always the youngest and have the youngest children going through this journey.  There has been no one to help me and I want to make sure that no one else has to feel this way.... last night my wish came true:  I connected with Allie who is three years younger than me and battling breast cancer since early this year.  She is doing chemo first and then will have surgery and radiation down the road.  My nurse navigator called me last week and asked me if I would be willing to talk with Allison.  I was so happy to hear that I would be able to help someone else!!  I called Allison last night and it was so easy to talk with her!!  We hit it off right away since we know exactly how the other one feels about diagnosis and living with this and still being a mom and wife.  I am so blessed to now have someone else to help along the way as well as talk with about the dilemmas of being a young mom and wife.  She is such a lively person who had some great questions and I was so thrilled to be able to answer most of them as well as give her the chance to talk to someone who is a few months ahead of her in the treatments.  It is so nice since we know many of the same professionals at the Women's Center in Lake Forest Hospital.  We also have the similar situation in our chemo rooms where we are always one of the youngest and we are staying positive throughout each treatment.  I am so thankful to have Allie in my life and on this journey with me!

I am also so thankful for all the friends and family who have kept me going all this time!!  I am in need of keeping some of my loved ones in everyone else's prayers:  Grandma Moore is in the hospital in ICU after having a heart attack and finding even more blood clots in her.  She is weak and struggling to eat and there are very few options for the doctors which is why I ask for all your prayers for her!  My dear friend Wendi who has taken care of the girls during chemo treatments is going in tomorrow morning to have her bladder scoped to find out if there is any cancer or other problems in it.  She is rather concerned as we all are and I pray she finds peace in the knowledge she will have after the procedure is done.  I also pray for the results to be the best they can be!!  She is one of my chosen sisters and I cannot have gotten through this past 8 months without her!! I will be there for her as she has been there for me throughout all of life!!!  These are two women that mean the world to me and I want them with me for so many more years to come!!!

School is getting closer!!  We just received our letters for each of the girls on who they have as a teacher this year.  It was like there should have been a drum role as I was opening each one!!!  They are all excited except Sarah surprised us by crying when she figured out that she and Lindsey were in different classrooms... this is the same child who asked me this morning if she could trade with daddy and I so she could have her own room and we could share with Lindsey.  She said she was done sharing a room with Lindsey for her whole life!!  Oh they are such mysteries!

Happy Tuesday to all!

Do you know what makes me smile?

1.  My girls make me smile!  Sarah today told my mom,"What am I chopped liver?"  When Grandma gave a hug to Lindsey but not Sarah.  Lindsey has to dance to every song with a great beat even if we are in the middle of a store or in the car or at home- she is our dancing queen.  Katelynn and Allie J. decide to use the pool balls to create "boobs" and butts  in order to make Beth and I laugh.  This, of course, is contagious and then we have four little girls with these two body parts enhanced.

2.  Keith ALWAYS finds a way to make me smile!  We have found the humor in almost all the things we have had to face with this Breast Cancer.  I cannot look into his eyes without smiling because he has always made me so happy!!!

3.  Everyone who sends me messages make me smile!!  I cannot tell you how much it means to me when you sign in my guestbook here or when you send me an e-mail or when you mail me a card!!! 

4.  My students make me smile!!  Even the thought of all the memories each student has left me with from our time in class.  There was a particular 8th grade group of students who hold a special place in my heart.  I watched a group of students who struggled in math grow and find their confidence in themselves and all the math they could do.  These were a group of people who I have kept in touch with and love to hear all they are doing.  I have had so many other students in my career who I keep in close contact with as well and who are just as important to me!  Each year I welcome in a new class of students that become part of my family and I have done my job when they leave my class with confidence and love for learning.

5.  My friends make me smile in hundreds of ways!  I am so blessed to be surrounded by the most caring group of friends who have held me up when I wanted to fall down.  I cannot help but smile when I am with each of you because you help to remind me why I love life and why I want to fight to be here for a long time! 

6.  My mom and dad and brother make me smile each time I get to spend time with them.  I love the feeling I get when I am surrounded by my immediate family because all they have to do is hug me and all of my problems dissolve.  Talk about support:  there is not one thing my parents have not done to support Keith and I and the girls since all of this has happened last November.  We would not be where we are today without these three!!!

7.  Our neighbors make me smile!  We are so blessed to live in a wonderful cul-du-sac where everyone is such a positive part of our life! 

Smiles are such a powerful medicine that keeps my spirits high!!  These are my secret weapon against this disease and I know they will help me to win this battle!

#4 kicked my butt!!

WOW!  This want-to-be Super Woman was beaten by this radiation!!  I thought for sure that chemo was so bad I would find the effects of radiation possibly laughable.... well that was not the case!!! 
I had my third radiation treatment on Thursday afternoon (instead of the morning) since Mom and I took the girls to the Marriot to see Aladin.  This was so fun since it allows us to see these girls in their theater mode... dressed up sitting still and loving the action on the stage!  So when I had my treatment all felt fine but I thought I was tired from the whole day so I took it rather easy for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was my fourth treatment and I had it in the morning again as usual.  It was quick and went fine- other than my wrist cramped up while I was having to stay in that lovely position so I had to wish it to end quickly which it did!  After the treatment, I went off to school to check out my room again.  I was feeling fine and was going to stop for a drink since I ran out the house rather quickly but then decided not to...my first mistake.  At school I got a good idea of how the room will look and even moved a few things to see if they would fit in certain places.  I also saw one of my new neighbors at school, Wendy and had a nice chat!  I was so excited to be getting ready to be back at school.  When I left I was upbeat and feeling fine.  I ran a couple errands and then was home before 11am.  The girls and Keith and his dad were off fishing in the boat for the first time this year.  We all had a fantastic morning! 
Once I was home I began to feel so tired and I felt that my head was so heavy.  I decided to go recline on the couch at which time the room began to spin.  I was not comfortable on the couch so I went up to bed.  As I crawled into bed I really thought the world was spinning out of control.  I closed my eyes and fell asleep.  I also drank a Gatorade as I wondered if I was dehydrated.  By the early evening I was feeling better and we were able to go run a couple family errands. 
I woke up this morning feeling much better and will be thrilled to be able to do all what I had hoped to do today.  The events of the day are a trip to the Home Depot for the girls who love to do the Kids Build Projects on the first of each month.  Daddy and daughters love to work together on these projects.  We are also heading to Brookfield Zoo for the Share the Care event of the summer.  Grandma and Papa adopt an animal at the zoo for each girl and they love to go and talk with the zoo keepers about their animal.  This event is so much fun for the whole family and we are looking forward to having Grandma and Papa come and enjoy it with the girls.

The Moore family (my maiden name) is needing prayers as my dad's mom is in ICU after having chest pains during dialysis this week.  She was admitted on Thursday for tests and monitoring but has had some major issues occur that are not good.  We are all waiting on the sidelines as they try to figure out what is going wrong.  She has been through so much as she was the one who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer just a few months ago and she is on daily dialysis.  She is a beloved mother of 6, grandma of 17 and great grandma of 18.  She is an amazing lady!!

To all my supporters, thank you!!!  All the messages and thoughts and prayers have been the thing to keep me going!  You are all amazing people and I am the luckiest woman in the world to have all of you on my team!

2 down, 26 more to go...and so much more!

Today was kind of like the movie Ground Hog day for me... and it will only get more and more like it as I go through radiation.  Each time I go in for radiation it will be a repeat of the time before and even of the time before that.  I went in, scanned my card, got called back to the changing rooms, changed into the short robe- open in the back, went to the radiation waiting area, and then got walked into the room for my treatment.  When it was all said and done there had literally been 12 minutes from start to finish.  The only change from yesterday was that I saw Dr. Posner today to make sure all was going well and for him to answer any questions I might have.  Seeing as there has only been 2 treatments I really had no questions so we mainly chatted and then he let me go on with my day.  This will be a nice place to visit each of these treatment days... and then when it is time to finish this part of the journey I am going to miss everyone here I am sure!  BUT I won't miss the treatments themselves!!

The rest of my day was rather challenging and interesting.  I went straight from radiation to school so I could put my eyes on my new classroom.  I used to share a large room in the basement of the school with my 2 other gifted teacher teammates and now we have all been moved above ground.  It will be so nice to be in the same hallway as the students I teach!  I was met with a challenging discussion of how my schedule will look and I walked away quite disheartened but I am hopeful that I will be able to make things work out with the help of my colleagues.  I was so frustrated with myself that I let this stress bother me and consume me for a good few hours. 

Once I got home I began to do some work on the projects I have at home and kept busy for a few hours.  Then my day consisted of going for bang trims for the twins and a hair lesson for me.  The next thing was dropping the girls off with mom and I went up to see Dr. Jason my GP.  It was so nice to go see a doctor and know that I would not have anything done to me or I would not have to make any major decisions.  Dr. Jason is such a fantastic doctor and he has been such a huge support for Keith and I throughout this whole surprising ordeal.  I was so excited that for once I knew I would have lost a bunch of weight from the last time I was in the office that I told him he had better make sure to weigh me this time.  When he saw that I was 15 lbs. lighter than the last appointment, he seemed rather shocked that essentially all of that weight was from the removal of the breasts.  I really was carrying around a great deal of weight just in that area!!!

I was so glad to have a chance to check in and make sure all that was going on was good.  We talked over the addition of the Herceptin for the year and he agreed that even though it is the right thing it does not make it any easier to digest.  I said to him that if they give me a time frame I know I will take the longest amount or the most treatments and then if there is anything else that will need to be done I will need it.  I really do have to realize that it is a blessing that there are these treatments for me to go through to help prolong this life I want to live!!!! 

I did have one funny conversation with Dr. Jason as we were finishing up the appointment.  I was telling him about all the different doctors I was seeing and I said something that cracked him up... I have found that each of my doctors look at their patients differently.  Dr. Jason looks at me as a whole and really listens to all I say to make sure all areas are going well.  Dr. Chung listens to all that is going on with me and really works on all the medicines she is going to have put in me and watches to see that this monster is killed and out of my body.  Dr. Lu does make eye contact but you know he is really looking at all that he can fix and make "better."  He also checks out his work as if it is a piece of art which he wants perfect.  He really laughed at this one.  He knows that Keith and I joke around and really have used humor to get through this rough road.  He is such a fantastic person as well as a doctor!!

Cancer is such a life sucking entity and I am feeling surrounded by it as more and more of the people I care about are facing their own cancer!  I am praying for my Uncle still who we have not heard his pathology yet but he is still recovering from surgery, for a dear friend who is going through tests for Bladder cancer and is in the time when it is still unknown, for a middle school and high school friend who is also going through this battle of breast cancer and is just now 2 days out of surgery, and for all of the survivors I know who show me the way to live life to the fullest because they are the success stories!  This battle sucks and I have had my fight with God but as I told Dr. Jason today... I yelled and God did not yell back so it was a one sided fight!  The amount of time and the changes in me are taking a toll at this moment.  I am finding strength and courage to face the changes I have to live with even though there are times they make me so mad!!  I am very thankful to be alive and to have all of this time with my family and friends BUT I am human and am having to face the loss that comes with this cancer.

This day is ending with me snuggling with my girls as we cheer on America's Got Talent contestants.  They are such miracles to me and I am so blessed to be surrounded by their love (... well and even their fighting) which is a reminder of the true love Keith and I have!!  Life is good!

Radiation- One down, 27 more to go...

My night was a restless one but I did manage to sleep throughout it.  I got up around 6:35am to take a nice shower and get myself ready.  The girls and Keith came with me for support and to give the girls a visual of this thing we call radiation.  They only saw the waiting room but that is enough to put them at ease and know where Mommy is going when she says she is leaving for radiation each of these 27 mornings.  We of course had to stop and get them a donut on the way since one of these girls does not stop eating from the time she wakes up til the time she goes to bed (and the toughest thing is she is the skinniest of them all!!!!).  So everyone was happier when they had sugar in them.  Then we proceeded to the Lake Forest building in Grayslake.

So at 8:30am I officially began radiation treatments!  I was taken to the changing rooms and went into to get a lovely short robe and take all off from the waist up.  I was then escorted to the next waiting area outside of the HUGE doors that have a big Radioactivity warning on them-- so comforting!!!  There were three Radiation Therapists helping me today since it was my first day and we had to set up the final details for the machine.  When I walked into the radiation room it was on the dark side and rather large with a table and these machines all around the table.  The mold of my head and arms was on the table waiting for me and the therapists had me lie down on this table.  They put a pillow under my knees and adjusted me to where I needed to be for the procedure.  It is quite a feeling laying on this table completely exposed from the stomach up having three people working around you adjusting the equipment and measuring and talking about what changes to make.  I was also drawn on, x-rayed, and tattooed two more times throughout this process.  The actual radiation did not occur until they were sure I was in the exact position and the machine was lined up perfectly which must have been after about 20 minutes.  Then when the radiation treatment began it was over before I knew it.  There is very little noise to it and I really felt nothing at this point.  The therapists came back in the room when all was done to take a couple pictures for the records and to let me know that I would see the doctor tomorrow since he was in with a new patient and to help me get up.  One of the female therapists walked me back to the changing rooms and gave me some samples of Aquafor which is what they recommend for their patients to put on their skin that is getting hit with the radiation... oh it brings me back to baby time when we used this on the twins and Katelynn as infants.  Then I was done.

It was all an experience and I was so nervous and tense that when it was over and I could relax I found myself wiped out.  I know it was from all my anxiety and build up to this moment so I hope to sleep well tonight and be ready for tomorrow.  I am thankful the therapists are all so nice and really made this process easy.  The whole office is a friendly group of people so that helps!

Each time I go in now I have my own card to scan so they know I am there and they all have my info on their computers.  It is all so high tech!!!

I am experiencing all of this while a friend of mine from middle school and high school is having her surgery to remove her Breast Cancer today.  Tracey has been in my thoughts and prayers these past few days and I know she will do well but I ask for your prayers for her as well at this time!  It is so hard to think that the two of us are battling this cancer at this time in our lives!!!  She is a strong woman and I know she will come out of this just fine but it is a hard road to travel!

It is so good to know that this leg of the journey has begun and God has given me a few more angels to help me along my way!

Back to Civilization...

Oh the comforts of home!!  Keith and I took the kids up to our FAVORITE family campground- Hidden Valley RV Resort in Milton, WI for the weekend.  We left Friday at lunch time and have just now gotten home and unpacked.  It was a trip to remember...

We could not have picked a more hot and humid weekend to be in the outdoors- thank God for my insistence on having AC in the camper!!!  We set up rather smoothly and were able to have dinner ready when Keith's Aunt and Uncle came up to join in on this camping adventure.  (They actually roughed it by tent camping and brought the 2 beagles with them.)  We of course started off the weekend with our favorite camping meal (with electricity) -- tacos made in the crock pot.  The girls love to have this meal over and over since they make so many different versions of their favorite flavors.  It is rather easy for those of us making it since you prepare the meat beforehand and just set it in the crock pot to warm up.  :)

The rest of the weekend included the girls swimming in the pool, adults sweating, the girls swimming in the pool, eating sweet corn that the campground provided on Saturday (fresh and delicious!!), the girls swimming, and I almost forgot the girls fighting in some form or fashion.  Keith enjoyed himself by sitting out at the campfire or in the shade on his favorite chair with a beer just doing nothing.  I spent the weekend upset that I could not do all I used to be able to do as well as doing as much as I could with a bunch of naps in between.  We celebrated my success by going to our favorite steak place in Jainesville, WI on our last night.  I am rather proud of myself for sticking it out the entire weekend.  I will say take down went well because I truly got organized the day before better than I have ever done.  I know camping gets easier each time we go BUT cancer has taken a great deal out of me which does piss me off!!!!

I am so blessed to have such a WONDERFUL husband who made this trip as easy as he could for me!  I am in awe of all he has had to do this past year!!  We have been soul-mates since the first square dance in Freshman year of high school but it has taken even more than destiny to get through this time in our life!  These 7 months have not brought him much in the way of a break and I have no way of thanking him for all he does!  I just hope that doing some of these things I do not completely love will help him to know that I really do appreciate all he has sacrificed for me during this battle!  This past week was rough because work was not going to let him off to be with me at my first radiation treatment which was so disheartening.  Luckily we found out that someone must have reminded them this battle is not over and he was able to get off tonight so he will be awake tomorrow for me.  He has also had to deal with other stresses that are so unfair and I wish I could remind everyone to stop being so selfish and know that he is battling harder than I am at times!!  We do know that there are many more supporters of his than not and there is no way to thank all of you for that!!  For those who are patient about car repairs, we thank you!  For those who send us prayers, we thank you!  For those who take such good care of our kids and want them even when there is no treatment scheduled, we thank you!  For those who follow our story and wish us well, we thank you!  For those who check in with my parents to make sure we are OK , we thank you!  For those who bring a smile to our face, we thank you!  We thank all of you we have not mentioned yet and please know every night our prayers go out to you as well!

The Moore family (my maiden name) has had a tough time this past week!  My uncle John who is a survivor of colon cancer has been in the hospital having surgery.  They are still waiting on pathology but there was a problem that was found and he had to have a colostomy bag put in as they removed another section that was blocked and may have cancer.  I was just talking to him about life the last time we were down at the farm and now this happened!  It reminds me that there is really no such thing as cancer free but he has had 10 years in between and this surgery should be helpful.  I have been thinking about him and praying for his comfort and peace of mind.  He unfortunately is one of the many in this country who owns his own business and cannot afford insurance so that is rather stressful!!  It would be a beautiful thing if there was a way hard working people could be given the chance to have this opportunity and it not have to be up to the politicians!  His life is just as important as anyone elses!

I am off to nap again since I am so run down I am worried I may get sick!  More stories to be told later!  :)