Today was kind of like the movie Ground Hog day for me... and it will only get more and more like it as I go through radiation. Each time I go in for radiation it will be a repeat of the time before and even of the time before that. I went in, scanned my card, got called back to the changing rooms, changed into the short robe- open in the back, went to the radiation waiting area, and then got walked into the room for my treatment. When it was all said and done there had literally been 12 minutes from start to finish. The only change from yesterday was that I saw Dr. Posner today to make sure all was going well and for him to answer any questions I might have. Seeing as there has only been 2 treatments I really had no questions so we mainly chatted and then he let me go on with my day. This will be a nice place to visit each of these treatment days... and then when it is time to finish this part of the journey I am going to miss everyone here I am sure! BUT I won't miss the treatments themselves!!
The rest of my day was rather challenging and interesting. I went straight from radiation to school so I could put my eyes on my new classroom. I used to share a large room in the basement of the school with my 2 other gifted teacher teammates and now we have all been moved above ground. It will be so nice to be in the same hallway as the students I teach! I was met with a challenging discussion of how my schedule will look and I walked away quite disheartened but I am hopeful that I will be able to make things work out with the help of my colleagues. I was so frustrated with myself that I let this stress bother me and consume me for a good few hours.
Once I got home I began to do some work on the projects I have at home and kept busy for a few hours. Then my day consisted of going for bang trims for the twins and a hair lesson for me. The next thing was dropping the girls off with mom and I went up to see Dr. Jason my GP. It was so nice to go see a doctor and know that I would not have anything done to me or I would not have to make any major decisions. Dr. Jason is such a fantastic doctor and he has been such a huge support for Keith and I throughout this whole surprising ordeal. I was so excited that for once I knew I would have lost a bunch of weight from the last time I was in the office that I told him he had better make sure to weigh me this time. When he saw that I was 15 lbs. lighter than the last appointment, he seemed rather shocked that essentially all of that weight was from the removal of the breasts. I really was carrying around a great deal of weight just in that area!!!
I was so glad to have a chance to check in and make sure all that was going on was good. We talked over the addition of the Herceptin for the year and he agreed that even though it is the right thing it does not make it any easier to digest. I said to him that if they give me a time frame I know I will take the longest amount or the most treatments and then if there is anything else that will need to be done I will need it. I really do have to realize that it is a blessing that there are these treatments for me to go through to help prolong this life I want to live!!!!
I did have one funny conversation with Dr. Jason as we were finishing up the appointment. I was telling him about all the different doctors I was seeing and I said something that cracked him up... I have found that each of my doctors look at their patients differently. Dr. Jason looks at me as a whole and really listens to all I say to make sure all areas are going well. Dr. Chung listens to all that is going on with me and really works on all the medicines she is going to have put in me and watches to see that this monster is killed and out of my body. Dr. Lu does make eye contact but you know he is really looking at all that he can fix and make "better." He also checks out his work as if it is a piece of art which he wants perfect. He really laughed at this one. He knows that Keith and I joke around and really have used humor to get through this rough road. He is such a fantastic person as well as a doctor!!
Cancer is such a life sucking entity and I am feeling surrounded by it as more and more of the people I care about are facing their own cancer! I am praying for my Uncle still who we have not heard his pathology yet but he is still recovering from surgery, for a dear friend who is going through tests for Bladder cancer and is in the time when it is still unknown, for a middle school and high school friend who is also going through this battle of breast cancer and is just now 2 days out of surgery, and for all of the survivors I know who show me the way to live life to the fullest because they are the success stories! This battle sucks and I have had my fight with God but as I told Dr. Jason today... I yelled and God did not yell back so it was a one sided fight! The amount of time and the changes in me are taking a toll at this moment. I am finding strength and courage to face the changes I have to live with even though there are times they make me so mad!! I am very thankful to be alive and to have all of this time with my family and friends BUT I am human and am having to face the loss that comes with this cancer.
This day is ending with me snuggling with my girls as we cheer on America's Got Talent contestants. They are such miracles to me and I am so blessed to be surrounded by their love (... well and even their fighting) which is a reminder of the true love Keith and I have!! Life is good!
No comments:
Post a Comment