No news of the medical front... I am going to have Herceptin next Friday (2/3) and then I will see Dr. Jason at 8 am on Saturday morning to see what he thinks is causing all this mucus.  I am actually finding that the hot-flashes and dizzy spells have increased and taken the place of the cough.  These are coming from the Tamoxifen and the early menopause it has created.  I am lucky to be so young which makes all these things worse.  My hormones are battling back and I am not sure which is winning this war in my body!

Life update:
We have the cleaning ladies coming tomorrow.  This was such a wonderful gift given to us by Keith's aunt and uncle last Christmas!  My friend, Beth used to tell me that it was worth every sacrifice made to have the help of a cleaning lady... I get it now!!  I am running around cleaning before the cleaning lady gets here tomorrow.  BUT it has forced us to declutter most of the house and keep things neat during the two weeks in between cleanings.  With help from my parents we are going to keep this going because it reduces so much stress off my shoulders and gives us more time to spend enjoying life as a family!  Thanks to all!!

The girls are keeping me on my toes!  Life is good but crazy and I love it!!!

I have had a sad thing occur:  my favorite store in Libertyville will be closing its doors on Saturday.  "The Present Moment" will be no more and I will miss it!  This store is owned by a parent of one of my former students who I have been blessed to stay in touch with all these years.  This store was a place I would go for meaningful gifts for friends and family.  I would also go there when something big happened in life to help make it easier such as having a cancer diagnosis, losing a loved one, or just needed a pick me up spiritually.  I am so thankful to have had this in my life!  Good luck Sue and Lauren!

This MOM is back!

Good morning everyone!!  I am waking up with more confidence and more conviction to take my life back!!!  I am still sick and still get very tired!  BUT I refuse to let this stop me anymore.   I went to sleep feeling sorry for myself after feeling sick most of the day yesterday.  I have spent more days these past three months feeling sick than feeling good and this has brought my spirit down.  BUT NO MORE!!!  I do not want to live like this!  I have to wait to see Dr. Jason for another two weeks so I will have to endure this cough and this feeling of nausea and these #%&# hot flashes without any relief but I will not stop until I find a way to get them all to subside so I can go on with a much more active life!

I kicked cancers but and now I need to kick this with the same spirit! 

I am so proud of waking up before everyone and enjoying my time making a great breakfast that everyone enjoyed!  It is such a great feeling to make these girls food that they eat and brings them to the table happy! 

I do have to THANK all the Jennifers in my life who have been great role models in living through hard times of feeling physically sick but still living life!!!  As I thought about the wonderful people who have surrounded me and shown me the way through these tough times I was amazed at these three specific women with this same name who have conditions that could stop them from enjoying life BUT They do not let it!!!!  They spend many days in pain or feeling sick but they still pursue life with all the energy they can muster up!!  Thank you my Jennifers!!!  You mean so much to me and I have no way of truly letting you know all you have done for me!

This is really the lesson I have learned:  Tell everyone you can Thank You for all they have done to help you!  It can mean a great deal for you but an even better thing for that person!  We are all here to experience and live as we are able along with feeling the love that is so necessary to make life grand!! 

Hoping everyone has a great day and an even better week!

More investigation needed...

I am still coughing and am so sick of it!!  I have just returned from Dr. Cohen, an ENT specialist.  She looked at my throat, nose, and ears.  She found that I do not have a sinus infection and my larynx looks wonderful.  All of the areas she looks at are fine and she wants me to go to my GP to have him figure out if it is my blood pressure med or that I have asthma now.  I was glad to have things ruled out but I was so disappointed to not be any closer to knowing why I feel like I do!  I, of course, called Dr. Jason's new office and was not able to get into him until the first Saturday of February.  I will have two weeks to endure all of these symptoms but at least I will know when I will have a chance to figure this whole thing out.  

It is a snowy day that I am looking forward to staying indoors at home with my family and getting things done I have needed to do all these weeks I have been sick.  I hope everyone is safe today and enjoying the good of the day.

I do have one request from everyone:  Please send up an extra prayer for a young girl who is beginning chemo for Leukemia.  One of my dearest friends has a niece who was recently diagnosed with this disease and is now having to endure this treatment.  She is having to deal with so much at such a young age and I know God will hold her in his arms as He did me.  All the extra requests can only keep her lifted up!  Thank you!

Good News!

I have great news to share:

CT scan came back clear.  They did mention a spot in my throat area that should be monitored so I will be going back in 6 months to have it checked.  But other than that I now know my lungs are cleared. 

I had my 9th Herceptin treatment today.  The IV went in rather easily and I did well with the drugs going in.  I also met with Dr. Chung.  We talked about all the illness I have been dealing with and she wants me to see either my Ear, Nose and throat doctor or my GP.  It could be allergies or something else we are not aware of yet.  

I am exhausted and have a headache tonight but I am actually doing well considering!  I came away from the Chemo room realizing how lucky I am to be as healthy as I am and I will cherish all the time I have without cancer running my life.  I met an older woman who has been coming for treatments for 7 years and the meds they need to use now are making her so sick she is not able to live life the way she wants to.  She had a smile on her face when we were chatting about children and our birthdays that are coming up very soon.  She ware such a beautiful person who was able to remind me the importance of now and enjoying all the good in today.  

I am looking forward to a quiet weekend and will cherish the extra day off on Monday.  It will be nice to re-energize!

My CT scan went well!  The tech was a wonderful man named Scott who was able to put the IV in for the contrast in the part of the arm in which normal people have veins.  He only had to try once to find success.  It was a huge victory!!!  The actual scan was so quick and I was back in my car by 8:45AM (my appointment was for 8:30AM).  I do not have any results yet but it is so freeing to have this test done.  I am praying for it to show absolutely nothing BUT if it does show a new problem I know I will face it just as I have faced the last battle I fought. 

Coughing, coughing, coughing

Well if you have had the opportunity to be around me these past few days then you can attest to the fact that I am walking and talking but I am also coughing and coughing my way through my day.  I was working with a Kindergartner in the hallway today and went into a coughing fit.  The kindergarten teachers both checked on me.  I hope that once I get rid of this cough I will remember to be grateful to be cough free!

I will be going in for the CT scan on Monday to have my lungs completely checked out.  It is really more to rule out problems such as radiation pneumonia, scarring, and even cancer.  I loOK forward to having this done so that there may be some answers or at least knowledge of what it is not.  

Other than coughing I am in good spirits and feeling OK.  I get tired and then do not sleep well because I cough.  This is one of those coughs that I swear is coming up from my toes.  It is deep and at times chOKing.  When I cough I tend to get watery eyes and have to catch my breathe afterwards.  Oh to have silence again will be heavenly!

A quiet weekend and rest will be in store for me.  

If only...

I have been frustrated lately because I have not felt well and I have not been able to do all I wanted to do over break.  I am also realizing how much my upcoming birthday is affecting me!  It is not that I am getting older... birthdays are actually exciting to me in the sense that I am getting to see another one after having faced the possibility of dying just over a year ago.  My dismay is coming from what I wanted to be able to do for all of you!  My gratitude for all the support and help you have given to me over these past 13 months has been priceless BUT I wanted to try to pay it all back.  I wanted to through the BIGGEST bash I could think of and find a special way to thank each and every one of you.  I wanted to be able to handout a ton of invites and have one memorable celebration surrounded by all of my "angels"!  Being so sick and getting behind in all other areas of life has made this dream nearly impossible!  I am hoping that I will find a new way to let each of you know how special you are to me! 

I will now turn 37 in a quiet manner BUT the girls will not let me get away without having a cake... it is not a birthday without cake in the eyes of a six year old. 

Medical Update:  I called Dr. Posner's office yesterday and was able to talk with Dr. Posner.  He is sending me for a CT scan to give me peace of mind.  I am so relieved to be able to go in and even just rule out anything else being wrong.  I will have this scan done early Monday morning before work. 

It is good to be me and I am still smiling through my day... although this week I am smiling between coughs which lessens my smiles that may be why I am more crabby and frustrated.

Unexpected ER trip...

This was not exactly how I pictured spending my 2nd full day of 2012 BUT it was necessary!

At 3:00 PM Keith and my mom decided it was best to take me into the ER to have my choking cough and my horribly painful throat, nose and ears checked out.  I was in so much pain and finding no relief from any over the counter med.  I was coughing and choking while feeling so much pain from my ears and throat.  I was pretty depressed as well because this was not how I pictured spending my break and my first winter without cancer.  I was so down because I was feeling that I had become even worse than I was one year ago while I was dealing with chemo and cancer!!  Let's just say I was a complete mess when Keith got the kids and I in the car to drop them off with my mom and drive on to the Grayslake ER.

As I have said throughout this past year, it is the people I meet on this journey who make things easier... and it was true even for this experience.  I was in tears when I got into the doors.  The girls at the desk were so kind and patient with me.  The nurses were wonderful and helped me relax throughout the whole process.  The radiology techs were the kindest ladies I could have imagined and the doctor was so thorough.  This doctor even brought that small, small world into play when he was checking into what I did outside the house for work in order to write me a "light duty" letter for the next five days.  He happens to live in Libertyville near Keith's parents and has kids in High school who have friends who went to Oak Grove.  I was given another batch of angels to help me along through a tough time and come back to the positive side of life again!

While I was there I had an EKG which allowed me to know that my heart is perfectly fine.  I had a chest xray to find out that other than the ports for my "water balloons" my lungs are clear. I do not have strep according to a rapid strep test that the nurse did and was able to swab without too much discomfort which is a small miracle since my throat was in so much pain!  All of these tests were good to have done because they allowed me to know that my body is still functioning correctly!

I have been working through intense fear of finding new cancer whenever I have a strange twinge.  I was probably the most concerned about having lung cancer since I have had so many tough respiratory issues throughout these past two months.  I can rationally say that I have had some tough colds and that is why I have been sick.  But then my emotions come into play and fear brings upon all the irrational concerns of a new cancer!  Fear is my new battle to fight!

I am doing much better this morning after taking one dose of the meds so I look forward to getting even better by this coming weekend!  Thank God Keith and my mom got me into the ER!!  I am so blessed to have them looking out for me!  I am so blessed to have all of the angels in my life! Thank you ALL!

Happy New Year!

I have taken these three words for granted for most of my life...  "Happy New Year!"  means so much more to me since my diagnosis!  I wish I could say I rang in the new year healthy but I have come down with another respiratory bug.  I am heading into Dr. Posner who did my radiation treatments to have him check me for radiation pneumonia which can occur to a small percentage of breast cancer patients since the radiation does reach a small portion of the lung.  I will be relieved to know one way or another and even if I am suffering from this it means I will have to be on steroids but will kick it once my body allows these drugs to strengthen the lungs back to "normal."

Even though I was sick I still kept our plans for this special day...
This new year's eve was spent with my parents and my children and my husband.  I was in the best company and loving all the time and activities we enjoyed.  Mom, Katelynn and I took the opportunity to go to the Marriott to see "White Christmas" which was amazing!  Katelynn is a talented Tap dancer and she so enjoyed seeing these amazing professionals tap dance.  It was so awesome to see her watch their feet and know she was thinking about all the steps they were doing because she knew them and how hard it was to do. 

We had dinner all together at Mom and Dad's.  Keith grilled the steaks, Dad made the twice baked potatoes (a huge treat we love to enjoy when he has time to make them!), and the girls set the table.  We all eat well and enjoyed talking through the meal.  There is always a story that we tell or a comment one of the girls makes that keeps us laughing!  I sat at the table for a moment and realized how blessed I was to have this amazing family.... oh and then the girls started fighting so I had to break it up and come back to reality! 

Sarah is having a great deal of trouble with me being sick again.  She seems to be rather sensitive to thought of me being sick again and she shows it by being so frustrated and mean.  We are watching her and trying to help her know that everything is going to be fine.  BUT she is not quite ready to believe this yet. 

Lindsey is hugging and kissing me a great deal more!  Whenever I cough or look tired she comes over and hugs me so she can check on me at that moment. 

Katelynn may be worried about me but her evil eyes and horrible faces full of attitude are coming out much louder than any concern could.  If it gets in the way of her needs she is mad.  I know this too could be her way of dealing with the concerns of another cancer or more time mom will be sick but there are moments I am not sure she really even thinks about it!  I know... this is what it is like to have an almost teenager!!

I may be the one who had cancer BUT everyone around me was affected by it in some way or another.  We are all changed by it!