Wound surgery over

Surgery was on Wednesday afternoon at Lake Forest Hospital.  I had an angel for a nurse who found a vein on the first try.  It was a small one in my hand but it worked for the time it needed to work.  The nurses and doctors were all wonderful and took good care of me!  

Recovery was a rough time!  I had a reaction to the pain meds and my vitals went all crazy but once I got cooled down and it went through my system I was much better.  I was one of those patients that had multiple nurses come around me to help figure out how to get my vitals back to normal... no coding but worried faces at times.  Although to me it was like the worst hot flash I have ever had!

I was so glad when they let me get out of the bed and into a chair.  They gave me water and crackers... I was even happier to be in the car and be on my way home!!!

Mom had the girls for us over night so Nurse Keith only had to deal with the drugged up Lynn who needed help getting the recliner down at all hours of the night/ morning.  My home health care nurse, Angie called and came over to check in with me.  It was so reassuring to have her check the stitches and she was happy to see all Dr. Lu did to close me up... "Oh he used staples too!"  Angie has been so helpful to get through this wound time!  She will be missed once she is done checking in with me next week!

It is Friday and I am feeling better!  There is one part of my stomach that is being pulled and keeping me in pain... But once it calms down and starts to feel more normal I know I will move much easier.  I cannot wait to get off the pain meds so I can get back to driving and be ready to meet the needs of the girls again!  It is hard to be a mom on the sidelines!  

I was able to feel peace throughout this whole ordeal and know that it comes from all the prayers!  Thank you for all your support!

The Day Before Surgery...

Oh it would not b the day before surgery for me without some kind of crisis!!! Storms rolled through and the power went out this morning at 6AM. It is lunchtime and we still do not have power and have no idea when we will get it back.... last summer we were out for over a week and I am not looking forward to losing all the food I have all over again!! Last month when I was getting ready for surgery we had the dishwasher die on us and we replaced it the day before I went into surgery. Life is never boring BUT the way I deal with these things have definitely changed with this journey! I wasted so much of life worrying and being so anxious or even mad about things I have no control over... it only took cancer to learn to roll with all that is thrown my way. I even kind of make it a game of "Let's see how this will end up."

Getting ready for this surgery has been a game of changing the way I approach it... The memory of the previous surgery is one that I am not so fond of right now!! Those 10 hours under anesthesia really took a toll on the WHOLE me! SO now I am trying to think of this one as if I were going in for a root canal rather than a surgery. I cannot tell you how good it will be if this works because I am so tired of having to have these open wounds packed with gauze and then spend the rest of the day trying to keep my clothes dry from all the fluid that comes out... We have become good about making other things help in this area!

The girls are such troopers and I am proud to say that their routine has not been too altered by all these surgeries! They are in Vacation Bible School this week which is helping them not to really think about me going to surgery again! Only one of the twins is having some anxiety about me having another surgery.... She hugs me all the time and tells me she does not want me to have surgery again! She is really why I have come up with the Root canal analogy because she understands the dentist can be a little painful but it is over quickly. This has seemed to reassure her and has even helped me!

I look forward to the day all of this is past me and I can see all I had to go through to be where I will be! Life is a precious thing to me and I love living it everyday! I am just looking for the chance to not worry if I have energy enough for everything!!!

In 12 hours I will be in surgery and hopefully on my way to a FULL recovery!!

This afternoon I answered the phone as it was ringing and was pleasantly surprised to find out that the surgery date was set!  I will be going back into surgery next Wednesday (25th) afternoon to clean out the wounds and re-sew them all back up.  It is coming at a tough time schedule-wise for the kids activities but I know all will go as it should.

I am finding peace with all of this after the exciting day I have had.  I was able to drive to pick up the kids from camp today and even took them to the grocery store to get some fruit and veggies.  The freedom I felt in doing these two rather "normal" things was amazing!  I even made dinner tonight which has not happened in ever a month!  Keith welcomed me back to reality as the kids all complained about how they did not want to eat dinner (spaghetti and meat sauce)... one needed noodles with butter, another needed sauce without meat, and the biggest wasn't sure but tried a little bite before finishing the small helping and asking for more.  Mom is back but I have to take the reins back soon!

Life looks so good and I am excited to be back in the game again!  I know I will gain my strength back before surgery so I can come back from this as quick as possible!

The Roller Coaster is in full gear!

It has been quite a day and we have had so many decisions to make with still some uncertainty!  

Keith and I saw Dr. Lu after dealing with these wounds for 2 weeks at home.  There is some good healing but it will take about 6 more weeks to completely heal this way.  We talked about a wound vac and that would help to decrease the time it will take to heal about a week or two.  But the way that will get me to the end the quickest would be going back for minor surgery so he can clean out the area and re-stitch the area again.  After many questions and a great deal of discussion we came to the decision that surgery is the way we wanted to go.  It looks like I will go in for the surgery next week... now I am at the mercy of the OR schedule.  We will see!

I am feeling more and more human each day!  We are finding ways to help to get around comfortably and I can even begin to drive again which will be so cool!  I have been up all day today with only two times putting my feet up to let my back calm down.  I am finding the light at the end of the tunnel after having a few weeks I never thought it would show up again!  This has been one of the toughest things I have faced and boy did it kick me down!

Who knows what is to come tomorrow but I am enjoying today!

Wounds

I am dealing with so many wounds that have to heal with time and I am so impatient!

The two wounds on the right inner thigh are taking their own sweet time to close up.  One is doing better than the other, and the nurse is thinking the doctor is going to have to clean out the worse one.  Dr. Lu said that was a possibility I would have to go back to the OR for an out-patient procedure.  I had such a horrible experience with the Anesthesiologist I am terrified!  I know it sounds so childish but the experience was truly the worse I have had to endure... I was yelled at for having such bad veins by this doctor and scolded for not having something done before that morning.  I truly still have nightmares because my last thought before surgery was she was going to kill me in the OR since she hated me so much!

One other "wound is the heartbreak I am still working through with the loss of my Grandma!  I know I am so blessed to have had her in my life for so long and even more blessed that my children were able to have her in their lives.  BUT it does not make me miss her less!  I am so proud of myself for being able to have had the strength and courage to go up and share the memories and lessons she taught us all!  The services were AWESOME with more than 500 people coming through the wake and packing the church full for the funeral.  My children are amazing to me because death has been so much a part of their young lives starting with the loss of our dear Katie Beth a few years ago as well as the death of my other Grandma last year.  Sarah was so sweet!  She would walk past the casket and Grandma and say "Hi Gram!" & "Love you Grandma!" Then when we were leaving the wake for the night Sarah could not leave until she said "goodnight" and "Goodbye Grandma."  Katelynn struggled so much throughout the funeral!  She was the closest to Grandma and had her for the longest amount of time.  She was Grandma's first great-grandchild so she got the best of Grandma when she was still healthy and living a full life.  Lindsey did well even though there was a great deal of still time and the funeral was a tough but she did it! Before we could leave for home on the day of the funeral the girls asked to return to the cemetery to check on Grandma and we saw that they were able to get her in the ground and cover her with dirt.  They began to plan our next trip down when we are going to go to the Peotone cemetery and then to the Wilton Center Cemetery to be able to see both grandma's then to the farm to visit Great Grandpa.  These girls are amazing!... They are also planning Grandma's Angel day for next July.

I am so blessed for so many reasons and I am slowly coming out of this deep dark place I went to throughout this recovery period!  I am having to ask for so much help and this really is not what I know how to do!  I help others!  Please pray these wounds heal up and that God gives me the strength to deal with all that is going on in my life!

Thank you for all your help and support!

Good-bye Grandma!

At the services for my Grandma I was able to get up and share the following passages with the packed church of family and friends:

When I think of my Grandma Moore I think of a lady who embodied the lessons Jesus taught us about loving each other, caring for our family, and living a true Christian life.  She taught us all how to give without ever thinking about receiving. 

Shirley was the ultimate Grandma!  She was the happiest when she had a baby in her arms.  I look at all of our pictures and see that true twinkle in her eyes when that little bundle lay peacefully in her arms and know that I am looking at unconditional love!  She also loved to be the ultimate spoiler of the grand children and great grandchildren.  She made sure to be the first to give a baby the taste of pure sugar in the form of ice cream or even Tiramisu in the case of her first great Grandchild… who to this day cannot pass up the chance to eat this delicious dessert. 

My cousins and I are all blessed to have had the best Grandma who would NEVER say NO.  We could ask her for cookies, we could ask her to look at old photos, we could even ask to put on her wedding dress and each time we were given the answer of YES.  Although the SOX and Cardinals fans were allowed in the family circle, they were always reminded of her loyalty to the CUBs would not change… Even when ornaments of these championship teams secretly found a place on her Christmas tree.  Grandma loved us all regardless of any disagreements where we did not see eye to eye.

Grandma was a connector.  She kept an enormous network of family linked together.  She not only had 6 children of her own as well as each of their spouses but also 17 grandchildren and 18 great grand-children and counting.  Beyond this immediate family she was so close to her own siblings and their families.

The things I will forever be thankful for are the lessons grandma instilled in all who were willing to listen.  She always wanted us to play nice and not be mad at anyone.  She made sure we knew that family had to come first! But her ultimate lesson was about the expression of love:

“If you love someone, tell him or her.  Forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous.  What is truly ridiculous is passing up on the opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in him or her.”

I end with a poem that I found on the day she died which has carried me to this moment because it speaks all the feelings I felt on that day!

Grandma,

With the gift of years

Comes the treasure of knowing

That there are many who love you dearly.

The memories you’ve made with us

Will last forever.

The tenderness you’ve shared with us

will never fade.

The most wonderful gift you could ever give

Is the special part of you

That now lives in each of us.

And the truth your love has taught us

Can only be strengthened

by the gift of time… 

For where the roots grow deep,

Memories grow

Forever. 

I love you Grandma!

Life changes in an instant!

There have been many life changing events in my life over these past two weeks.  Starting with all my drains being removed, finding two wounds that we are praying will heal, and then losing my Grandmother (dad's mom) on July 4th.  

All of these things came with ups and downs for me.  I was so happy to lose all the drains in just over 2 weeks out of surgery.  It is still a concern that I could accumulate some pockets of fluid but we know they can deal with that in the office if it happens. The wounds were my biggest emotional hurdle to overcome.  I was absolutely terrified when Dr. Lu checked these two spots in the office and started to explain that there were two ways to deal with them.  One way was to go back into the OR and have him clean the areas up and re-stitch it all up.  The preferred choice for him was to have us take care of the two areas to help them heal on their own.  Nurse Keith (It really has gone to his head that he can do all these new medical things for me!) has to clean the area each morning and pack it with saline soaked gauze.  We are so blessed to have a Home Health care nurse come out twice a week and so now she will be helping us work with these wounds to keep a close eye on them.  

The toughest event of the week is the loss of my grandma!  Receiving the call from my dad telling me that Grandma was in her last hours of life was so heart-breaking!  I had not been able to get down to see her for over a month because of the many events of the end of the school year and the surgery.  She had called me the day before surgery and left a wonderful message but we had not had a chance to talk since.  I have no doubt she knew I loved her but I did not get to tell her these words which was what I struggled with the most!  I am thankful she is at peace and does not have to endure anymore hospital stays, kidney dialysis, pain, heart problems, or anything else she had to deal with these past few years.  My grandma was an amazing lady who I have had 37 years with to learn about unconditional love and the power of the family circle.  She kept us all connected and that is a small miracle since there were 6 of her children with 4 of them having spouses, 17 grandchildren with 10 spouses and 18 great-grandchildren with one more on the way.  She showed us all how love made everything better!

I am finding a way to move more and more each day... Keith even had me walk all through Mariano's (my favorite grocery store in Libertyville/ Vernon Hills) this week which was a tough challenge as I was still unable to stand up straight BUT I did it and felt like I had finally crossed one finish line with many more to come!

It will be a tough weekend and beginning of the week as we will have the wake and the funeral but I hope to help make it a celebration of one of the most amazing ladies I have ever met!  It has been hard on the girls but they have had so many losses in their young lives I know they will do well in this experience as well.

Prayers for strength and healing are much appreciated!