Fairy tales and weddings

Yes, I was one of the many who was up EARLY to watch the coverage fo the Royal wedding. 

It was a restless night and I was not having much success sleeping.  At 2am I got out of bed and dealt with the dishwasher and then was still not tired so I went down to the family room and turned on the TV.  I found that the coverage from England and began to watch.  I found myself watching all the way until the wedding ceremony at which time I did fall asleep.  Thank goodness for being able to rewind live tv on the satelite.  The girls and I rewound to see the end of the ceremony and the parade to the palace.  As I was watching all of this it gave me a chance to think of Susie, my mom's best friend who passed away unexpectedly this past summer.  Susie loved the Royal family.  She had been one of the people in 1981 to watch Charles and Diana get married as well as collect things from that time all about Diana.  I reflected on how if Susie was alive she would have been in her assisted living center all dressed up and wearing a fantastic hat.  She would have rallied up nurses and others to watch the festivities with her.  She was such a lively person who I love so much because she taught me to smile through everything.  Her positiveness was contagious!  It was after her memorial service in November that I was diagnosed with this cancer.  She was on my thoughts in the beginning moments and days which I think helped me to find a positive way to go about fighting this disease.  I miss her so much but I know she is truly with me everyday. 

I loved watching some of this event with the girls because they brought even a different perspective to it.  I loved their questions of:  Is everyone a princess when they get married?  Do we have a Queen?  Why does the little flower girl have red cheeks and look unhappy?  Is that as far away as China?  It is so wonderful to see things through the eyes of children!

WHY??

Knowing the answer to the question WHY??? is something that is plaguing me right now!  This has been a day I have not understood why bad things are happening to good people!!

This is a day that needs to NEVER be repeated!  Dear friends of ours are going through a very horrible experience in their lives after they were just trying to be good Christians and help others.  Then at work I walk in to find out that one of our teacher's husbands died suddenly last night.  He was so young and she is such a nice person!  There is so much pain and hurt around that it can become so overwhelming. 

I have prayed all day that comfort comes to those I love who are hurting!  I wish there was some way to make it all better but as I am learning from my journey we have to learn from difficult times.  We will come out stronger but when you are in the moment it is very hard to see that this will happen.

I am still having a great deal of pain even today.  I am finding it very easy to forget the pain when I am teaching and busy at work but when I am able to relax or sit the pain comes back.  I am looking forward to going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss some of these side effects and trouble I have had this time after treatment. 

I am hoping that tomorrow is a better day for everyone!

So many things have brought me to a major decision for me... I have asked for a leave for the end of the school year starting the week after my last treatment.  I have given in to the fact that these toxins are harder and harder to come back from with each treatment.  I am still in so much pain today but am so blessed to be at home recovering for an extra day.  This body is weakening at a fast rate which is so unusual for all the previous chemos I have endured.  This want-to-be "superwoman" has had to face reality and let everyone know I cannot do it all anymore.  That was one of the hardest things I had to make myself admit but it really does feel like the right decision for me.  I am being selfish and choosing to take care of me... although as most of you know I will not leave things undone so I am planning my leave to occur once all the kids are placed at school and I have dotted all the "i"s and crossed the "t"s that I am able to do.  I cannot give up my need to make sure all are taken care of but if I did I would not be me.

I had no idea that pain could move through every ounce of a body.  I feel pain in all muscles, bones, and joints.  There is really no relief except to meditate and keep moving at a slow pace.  Going back to work tomorrow will be a challenge in some ways but the movement will probably do me good as well as the chance to ignore some of the pain.  I look forward to seeing all those smiling faces of my students and use my math brain to challenge them!

As I look at the picture from Easter of my little ladies I know I am just about the luckiest person in the world!  They are such a strong group of girls and I have seen them grow in such good ways.  They are so willing to help and have compassion for those in need.

Yesterday was a rough day but it was made easier by wonderful surprises!

I am getting hair back!!!  There are small hairs growing on my head-- extremely slow but still growing!  They do feel like baby hairs which is kind of fun!  It is like a re-birth!

I was also given a beautiful crystal from our neighbor next door.  This was another angel moment because the girls ran the present in to me when I was frustrated with not being able to do a chore.  As those beaming faces came running up to my room to bring me the special note and package I could not feel as bad anymore.  I took out the letter to find some of the kindest, most encouraging words that I will take with me throughout the rest of this journey and beyond!  The gift was a beautiful crystal chain that will hang in the window that provides the most light to create the healing rainbow.  Maggie told me she found this in a small store inLibertyville which happens to be one of my favorite stores-- Present Moment.  I am finding so many ways to heal and so many angels who are with me at all times! Please know that there are no words too small to say and every prayer is worth saying!

It is so fantastic to be able to say we have one of the BEST streets in the world!  Our neighbors are some of the kindest and most helpful people we could have ever live near!  (There was a time we could not say this but it is such a blessing to have this now!)  It is another family in our many circles of families that have become so strong in our lives!

Another surprise that helped me was when my dear friend Melissa came over with one of the most beautiful bouquets of flowers for me!  I was attempting to get outdoors into the fabulous sunlight for a few moments when I received this surprise!  Melissa could not stay long but the time was perfect to allow my brain to stop being fuzzy and have a nice visit.  The smiles that come my way are such a huge help to me!  I can envision her smile even now at how excited she was to see me up.  During our conversation the new hair growth came up and I was brave enough to take off my hat to show her.  I am finding a comfort zone I did not have with my ownappearance .  I am seeing my own beauty beyond hair and looks.  I confess I cannot wait for the day I have my own hair back and I feel more normal but until then I am working on loving me at every phase.

The personal surprise I had was that I found strength to walk around outside a little bit to enjoy the flowers we are growing and watch Sarah play in the puddles.  I was also able to help Katelynn hang up all her clothes as well as help the twins find their bedroom floor again from all their "Stuff."  That was about all I was up to for the whole day but in this weekend that is a huge amount of things!  I am in awe that I will truly have only one more weekend of this feeling!  It will be one of my greatest accomplishments to be able to say I have completed the last chemo!  Then we will move on to all the rest of the journey to be rid of this cancer-- surgery and radiation.  The summer will be a slow one for me but what perfect timing for me to take care of me and not have too much to worry about!  I will focus on making memories with the girls and Keith as well as having a COMPLETE recovery!

Happy Easter to all who celebrate this joyous day and to all else have a wonderful rest of your weekend!  May the God of all bless each one of you!

#9 is done! It was a full house in chemo and there was a possibility that Keith would not be able to be with me. But with a few tears and a nice compromise the nurses allowed him to be there while I ate lunch and then fell asleep. As people left they were very happy to have Keith sit with me as I slept through the many hours of the Taxal dripping into me.

I am exhausted and dealing with a few side-effects so far but the pain will begin in a matter of hours so I wanted to get this journal entry in before I could not do it.

I have to say that it is rather interesting to go through this battle along side the most important days in C​h​r​i​s​t​i​a​n​i​t​y​! I have had chemo just days before Christmas when Christ was born. I found that it was an even more meaningful day in my life. Now I am finished with the 9th chemo on the day Christ died. Having faced my own mortality head on in November I am even more grateful for all Jesus did for us here on Earth! As his death is a sad one I know that this Easter will be a very special day for me. I will reflect on the true meaning of Christ dying for our sins and opening up Heaven to all who believe in Him. I am so thankful to be nearing the end of this battle and knowing that I am taken care of no matter what the outcome is. I am blessed to live now when the medicine and research is at its best for breast cancer. The treatments seem to be working and I will be soon planning surgery to get rid of the evidence of this demon inside of me.

I am praying that all of you have a wonderful Easter weekend! it looks like the Easter Bunny will have to hop through the rain but it will be wonderful to see the joy that he will bring to our girls! They deserve all the happiness since they too have been effect by this cancer.

I received the most wonderful e-mail today!  I was prayed for in India both in a Hindu temple and a Christian Cathedral.  Our dear friend Larry who I have known since I was a little girl was in India for business and he took time to climb up to a Hindu temple and ask for the demon in me to leave.  After he was done, he walked out of the temple and was greeted by a cow which is a good sign (he was told).  Then he found the only Christian church and prayed for my healing.  I am so blessed to have so many people who think of all kinds of ways to get God's attention and ask for my healing.  God is listening and I am being given the most blessed gift: LIFE.  I am also being shown how strong I am and how much love can conquer.

There are so many prayers coming from everywhere!  I have a HUGE family from all sides who are praying for my healing.  Keith's aunt has helped get hundreds of people to pray for me.  There are so many churches out there that have me on their concerns list.  We have so many friends who keep us in their prayers and thoughts as they travel on this journey with us.

As I prepare for #9 I am finding that my body has been showing signs that I am losing strength.  I worked extremely hard this week at work and know that I am pretty much exhausted.  Although I have so much to be proud of since I was able to get everything I needed to get done completed.  I am still in awe of how each day when it comes time to teach my 2nd grade class I find so much energy and have enjoyed each and every day I have been strong enough to what I love!  Today I was talking with the class about how I would not see them until Wednesday and we talked about how I was going to my 9th chemo treatment out of 10 then of course this math teacher had to make it a lesson.  We talked about how that would be 90% done and only 10% left to go.  We talked about 9/10 done.  They are some of my best cheerleaders and we all had a small celebration together as we realized how much we had gotten through since my diagnosis.

The twins and Katelynn are doing well and are also excited that this journey is nearing the end!  At times they each are sick of what it does to their lives when we cannot do things or have to have others do so much for them.  There have been disappointments for each of them but I pray that in the end each of them remembers how strong we were as a family to get through and how important the people who helped us are to us!

Thank you for all your support and prayers!

Illness has hit the Klunder house again!!

Now the other twin, Sarah has come down with an awful cold.  She is all stuffed up and miserable!  We are trying to allow her to rest and stay comfortable in order to knock the germs out!  She does not seem to have a fever with this so it is not the same as Lindsey.  I am trying to take care of her but still keep my distance so I do not get sick since I am only 2 days away from the 9th chemo treatment. 

It is such an amazing thing to think that I am about to go through the next to last treatment.  I never would have thought I would be at this point back in November!  It was such a roller coaster and I never would have thought I would have had such strength to be standing strong.  I imagined myself being confined to bed and unable to go anywhere.  Now that I am here I am still working and doing many things as a mom I thought would be taken away from me!  I am so looking forward to seeing all I will do when I am cancer free and done with all the treatments and surgery and radiation!

I am so excited to be dreaming of the future.  There were many days and nights I thought about how I might not have the future I had always dreamed of.  I look forward to sending the twins off to Kindergarten in August asKatelynn goes with them and enters 4th grade!  I will be so excited to go back to work in August to great the next group of students who will enter my classroom.  It will be so exciting to have energy to give and help more students love math.  I look forward to all Keith and I will do as we celebrate this huge success and all the accomplishments of these past 6 months.  We have had tough times but we have also grown so much closer.  We are a team that will have won our toughest battle.

This was a night I will remember forever!

Tonight we were able to get together with the whole Klunder family and it was a fantastic time!  There was so many laughs and positive feelings throughout the entire night!  I am absolutely on cloud nine as I think about this night.  We were surrounded by our parents and Keith's aunt and uncle as well as his cousins and their families.  The girls had a fabulous time with their cousins and they were all such good little ladies!  It is so amazing to look at all of them and see how grown-up they all are!  We always have so much fun when we are with this side of the family!  They are some of my biggest cheerleaders as I fight and it was so good to all be under one roof and have time to talk and share all the new things in life! 

I am always amazed at the timing of everything!  I have been so down over this week as new changes occurred but then this event happens and I am finding the positive Lynn back in full force!  I am always at my happiest when I am in contact with all the ones I love!  This weekend will be fantastic for me because it started with this wonderful dinner and on Sunday it will end with a cook-out with our friends who have kept the girls each treatment.  These two women are so amazing to me!  They are able to take care of the girls at our most needed times and it has been wonderful to give my mom a break.  Although she has taken her turn this past week to go above and beyond to help us as we dealt with Lindsey's fever.  I could not have gotten this far without her!  She and my dad make sure we are all taken care of. 

I am so thankful for all of the family and friends who have been behind us this whole time as we battled this ugly disease!  You are all amazing to me!  The cards come at the exact moment I need a pick me up and the prayers are helping me get through all of this! 

Stress and vanity

My enemies today are both stress and vanity!  I had a melt down this morning when these two things collided and Keith was left to pick up the pieces!

Vanity came in the way of my reaction to losing my eye lashes this morning.  I have seen them start to dwindle but this morning I found about 7 left on the top of each eye and 1 and 3 on the bottom of the eyes.  They were light colored to begin with and then to have them disappear I just feel like I look like an alien!  I cried so hard this morning!  It was one of the worst down times on this journey! I can rationalize that this is so minor in the scheme of things and that they will return in the future.

Stress has crept back in my life.  I am juggling the same number of things but this is the time in my job that gets stressful.  Deadlines are even more stressful because I have to consider my treatments and recovery time when trying to finish things.  Testing is a major part of my job this month and now I have to face it with few days I am available.  There is also more things going on for the girls and I am trying to not say that they cannot do things because mommy is sick or tired BUT I AM!!!   

I have been praying for peace and the strength to complete all that I feel I need to complete.  I am at a point on this journey that I am not willing to use cancer as an excuse for not getting my job done!  My brain still works and my passion for being an advocate for my students is still as strong as the day before I had cancer.  BUT I do want to be here for all the years to come so I know this stress is the worst thing I could do to myself!  I am finding that I am getting a great deal done in a day so if all goes as well as the last two days then I will get it all done. 

This too shall pass and I will look back on how small of a problem this really was but right now it feels like the largest mountain I have to conquer!

Germ is another four letter word!

Lindsey still has a fever and is miserable!  Keith took her to the doctor today but there is nothing majorly wrong with her.  The doctor was understanding of my situation and put her on an anti-biotic to kill anything she might have.  I am keeping her with me for tonight hoping that if she rests and relaxes she might kick this faster!  Her asthma is starting to become an issue and I am the one who knows how to administer her meds the best.  I just keep praying that Lindsey becomes healthy and the rest of us stay healthy (especially me since I do not want to experience going to the hospital!!)  

In general I am still doing well after this last treatment!  My feet are still very achey and stiff but manageable!  It truly is amazing to think that I have completed 8 treatments and when we started I wasn't sure that I would still be standing at this point!  I am finding that stairs are not my friend!  I have been finding myself more out of breath each time I go up any amount of stairs these days.  I guess this is my body reminding me that it is being put through a lot!

Thank you for all your prayers!  I truly have felt them work throughout this battle!  My motto has been:  "I will kill cancer with my smile!!" 

the Flu hits our house!

I am physically feeling good this week which is great! BUT I am struggling as a mom because I am not able to take care of my Lindsey when she needs me the most! Since Saturday afternoon she has had a fever of over 100 degrees. She is my asthmatic who I have nursed back from so many different illnesses and had so many sleepless nights of caring for and worrying about her. Now she has a fever and I have to stay far, far away from her. I stayed at my mom's on Saturday night so Keith could take care of her and hoped it would break but it did not! Sunday he took Lindsey over to Grandma's house and she is still there. She has been crying to come home and I have been crying because I cannot let her come home. We are an emotional mess! I know she will get better and this will be over but it is awful while we are in the middle of it!

Please pray for better health for Lindsey and continued good health for me! Thank you!

I have been on such a roller coaster this past week!  I went from excruciating pain and sleeplessness to being so happy and having energy!  I am so thankful for the ability to come back from thesetreatments in a way that allows me to continue as normal a routine as I have energy for!

Friday was another fantastic day!  I was at work and able to accomplish even more than I had hoped to do which will make the upcoming weeks even better for me.  It is "testing season" for me and that is usually the most stressful time because there is usually more to do than time in a day.  I am feeling so good because I would not want to leave anything undone at work.  I have come all this way and I am determined to see the school year to as close to the end as possible!  I am in awe of thinking back to November when I met with my administrators discussing possible ways we would deal with my neededabsences .  We had many plans to ensure any issues would be dealt with and I was almost positive I would have to take off a good deal of the year... we are now in April and I have done more than I would have ever imagined! 

There have truly been many miracles to allow this to happen!

I think about how few sick days I had banked for the year and I have not run out of them yet!  I have been able to work almost the entire school year without any major times off.  The longest absence I had was during the week of diagnosiswhich is amazing!

Money was another major concern when it all began!!!  I thought I was going to have to stop working which woiuld have financially hurt us and then I knew the medical bills were going to begin to pile up.  I can proudly say today that we have done 110% better than I could have ever imagined!  No bill has gone unpaid and I am still bringing in a full paycheck!  One more concern is wiped away!

Food was another miracle!  The amount of friends and family who have fed us over these past months has been such a blessing!  The outpouring of help has at times filled out fridge and freezer so full we were not sure we would eat everything!  It has been the best for me because of all my mouth issues I have not been up to even making food and this help has allowed me to still make a meal for the girls and Keith without stressing too much about what to make!  i have also found new things that the girls will eat so when all is back to "normal" I will add to my meal routine!

One personal miracle is the change in my outlook on things!  I have learned (or hit over the head)  to ask for help and allow others to do for me as I would do for them if needed!  Before this I truly only knew how to do for others to make their life easier and I truly loved doing it!  BUT I did not ever know how to ask for help for ME!  I was always afraid to burden people with my needs and now I realize that if they cannot do something they will let me know and if they love us they really do want to help!  I know this sounds like something I should have known but I really am/ was such a people pleaser I could not see this other way to think.

Another HUGE personal miracle is that I have learned to see what is TRULY IMPORTANT in life!  I used to get so upset over even the smallest conflict or over things I could not change.  As I have said to many... I have faced my mortality and am living such a positve life.  I plan to enjoy all I can which allows me to see what things I am willing to fight for and what needs to just set aside.  This really comes into play when negative things come my way and I have to decide whether the amount of energy to fight it is worth it. 

My medical team is a miracle to me!  There are so many things that happened to me when all of this began and I really had no choice in the matter.  BUT each decision I did not make was made for me by people I trusted!  I have come to find out that there are many medicalpersonnel who have come to know who ask about me or fight over who will get to work with me.  Being such a people person and finding strength from personal contact with loved ones, it has been imperative that my medical team care for me and have a nurturing bed-side manner.  I have been blessed to have all of this in all of them!  My surgeon who ended up having to be the one to tell Keith and I my official diagnosis is a kind man who is also a well respected surgeon at Lake Forest.  My Nurse Navigator at Lake Forest, Jennifer has been a rock for Keith and I!  She helped us get to all ourinitial appointments at the hospital and was so encouraged when we learned who my oncologist would be.  We have not seen her in such a long time but I found out from Dr. Chung that Jennifer asked about us this week at Tumor Talks.  Then there is my whole oncologists office!  I have nurses whoargued over who would do my chemo teach last time and the nurses in the "back" where chemo happens have all become part of our family!!  As I type this I am tearing up because the reality of not seeing these ladies each week has hit me and I am really going to miss them!  I will be glad that I can still go visit and will not have to be filled with toxins to see them!  :)  I have talked about Lauren who is my nurse tech who takes my vitals and has become such a huge part of my medical family!  I am so excited for her because she is also going to school to get her Early Education Degree.  We have found a connection that I am sure will allowus to keep in contact for a long time!  Jennifer, the Nurse practitioner  and I have a connection because we are both moms of  an older daughter and then surprise twins (hers are boys).   There was an instant connection when we first met and it has seemed to get stronger with each story we share.  Finally, Dr. Chung who has been such a thorough physician who has been the kind of doctor Keith and I both needed throughout each step of this process!  She responds to our needs because she knows we do not ask unless it is necessary.  She takes care of my medical needs and makes sure I am doing well as a person!  She is an amazing person who cares about her patients!  She allows time for me to share with her some personal achievements each time we meet and she cheers me on. 

I have cancer but it does not have me!  I have lived life as I wanted to even with these vicious cells have invaded my body.  No matter the outcome I have won!!!

It was an enlightening day!  I am so thankful for a day I kept my smile going all day!  It even felt fantastic to be exhausted because it was from a good day!

I had a fun surprise when my Superintendent came into my room to drop off a friendly face!  She found a large Mylar balloon that was in the shape of an adorable ladybug.  It made me smile!  What a great reminder of the circle of life I found last time I was in the oncologist office and found those little ladybugs in the window.  This was a fun reminder and added to a great day!

This body is amazing to me!  I am sitting on my "sick couch" tonight realizing that it is absolutely amazing to think that the pain that kept me awake three days ago is bearable and at times gone.  This time around it took me 6 days to function again and there is a good chance it will take me a little longer the next round and then the last round.  I am just thankful that I have been able to bounce back and live life after each treatment!!

Surgery is the next major thing on the cancer checklist.  I do not know when it will take place yet and I would really be more comfortable if I had a date to look forward to but that is not how it works.  I have to complete the chemo treatments and recover from the last one before we can schedule the surgery.  I still have to meet with the various surgeons who will be a part of the process.  I also will have some decisions to make which will be difficult but necessary.  I will be celebrating the day I am able to say the date of this major occurrence on this journey!!

Life is going on and for the next two weeks I will look forward to being a part of it!  I know I cannot overdue but it truly feels so good to live life with this energy that I have!

Strength was found!

Thank you to all who have prayed for me during what was a stressful time!  Juggling work, family and cancer should have been overwhelming long before now so I am lucky it really has only hit this week for me!  There has been some readjusting to life situations for me and I believe I have found a way to deal with even the most stressful of situations.  I have truly been so blessed to be able to focus on my health and not have outside stresses until recently!  This was a good test to ensure that I will go forward in a much healthier way of living!!!

I am still struggling with the pain that comes from this chemo.  It is a pain that is almost indescribable because it radiates all over my body and becomes unbearable at any moment!  The nerve endings are effected by this and there is really nothing that can make the pain truly go away or even become predictable.  I do find that it is better to keep "busy" and I am able to get the most relief.  Last night was horrible because I could not stop the pain.  I am hoping that with the exhaustion I am feeling I will have a better chance to get some sleep tonight!

I found out again today how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends in my life!!!  At work I have been so blessed to spend time with my Kindergarten team who have been key players in helping coordinate  so many ways that everyone has helped us out over these past months!  They are the first people I see who help to encourage me each day and they are the last ones I see as I walk out the door!  These women have become so dear to me and I would not be where I am today without them!!  Thank you Ladies!!!

Smiles to all!

I have seen the light today and am glad to say I am back in the world again!  I am coming back after this chemo in a great deal of pain but I am finding my courage from the fact that I have only 2 more doses of chemo left!!!

I have been faced with some stress these past two days and I am really being challenged to find a healthy way to deal with it!  I am in need of feeling I am doing my best but I cannot take too much out of this battle to deal with others problems.  This will be a lesson I must learn and take away from this experience so that I can be the healthiest person I can be in the future!  My momadvised me today I should tell those stressing me recently that they need to stop being a pain since they have their hair and are not going through chemo.  I will not stop fighting for all I believe in but I will not let the fight take over me when it is unhealthy!

Balance is the key to all I am trying to learn!  I know this will be a huge challenge for me!  I am the giver and not a taker, but over the past months I have had to learn how to take help from all!  I have had to learn to say I am not able to do it all on my own!  I want to see the future and be as healthy as possible because I am tired of sitting on the couch and missing out!  Please learn from me:  Life is WONDERFUL!!  Live it to the fullest and find the smile in everyday!

I look forward to getting back with my students tomorrow and see how they are doing!  I really draw so much strength from their enthusiasm and their enjoyment of all we do when we are together!!!  I am so blessed to have Lauren as my sub though!  She keeps everything going when I am not there!  She is definitely one of my angels! 

Thank you to all for your prayers over this weekend and even before that!! They are all working since I have been able to overcome all the obstacles of this journey!  I also know they will pull my to the finish line!

Not my best day so far

As I lay here on the couch for the 2nd day in a row I am consumed by desire to be out and moving instead of feeling like I am being held captured in these four walls.  I am even struggling to type these words as the pain is intensifying throughout my whole body.  The medicines I am on keep me fromexcruciating pain but there is still pain breaking through. 

I am thankful for the fact that my caregivers are all able to keep life going for the kids and themselves since I am unable to do this.  But I do miss all that I am unable to do with them.  The house is quiet right now because the rest of the family are at church.  I know this is my time to rest.  Once I am recovered I plan to enjoy all the activities I will be doing with everyone!  I cannot believe I will say this but I am solooking forward to all the bike riding and beach visits and even camping that I will do with these wonderful girls and fantastic husband !  Time is such an interesting subject to me!  I feel as if it is as slow as a turtle when I am stuck here in the house but when I think back to November it seems like only yesterday I was diagnosed.

I love that I am still able to look ahead and think about all I will enjoy!  Heck, I will be enjoying life again in about 2 days if all goes as it did last time.  I really should not complain because the light at the end of the tunnel is drawing so close!  It is the hard days that make it tough to look farther than the next hours.

I will say that fresh air has been great for me!  I was able to sit in the living room with the windows open to feel the air and breathe in the nature that I have so missed!  I am hoping today to get a chance to be out in the world for even just a few minutes if it gets as warm as they say it will. 

Enjoy all that you can each day!

#8 is DONE!!!

I had a great day at chemo today!  As most of you know I am happiest when I am connecting with great people and today was no exception!  Our Home Depot Ladies, Tammy and Christine, were at chemo today a half an hour earlier than us so we were able to sit in a corner of the room together and have a "party"as the nurses lovingly tease us!  :)  Tammy is on a journey of fighting Ovarian andUteran cancer.  She has had a set back which put her in the hospital and a week off of chemo.  But it gave us a chance to now be on the same schedule for next chemo treatment.  I have made a connection with Tammy the instant I met her months ago and we had a wonderful time talking through issues and desires of what we need at this time in our treatment.  I can tell we may find a way to create a coffee group of "younger" patients and their caregivers because that is one thing we are not finding and is needed!  This idea comes at a time with a friend of mine has connected me to another Wauconda cancer survivor with young children who is seeking out others in the similar situation.  This has been such a strong sign from God as He puts so many things into place for me. 

The Taxal is working because I am on my way to miserable.  I have been drowsy all day from the high dose of steroids, Benadryl and al lthe other parts of the cocktail they give me.  I am on the couch relaxing and trying to allow my body to go through all it needs to go through to get these toxins to work and then leave my body. 

Today was also interesting because a sign was given to me when I got into the examination room:  there were ladybugs in the window.  To go back to where this story starts we have to go back to the dayKatelynn was born and I was wheeled into my room from recovery.  As we got in we saw that there was hundreds of lady bugs all over one wall and windows of the room.  Housekeeping and Keith vacuumed the majority up but we had a laugh over this and found it to be a sign of luck because her birth was less than easy and in the end we were all happy and healthy.  Her baby book is full of ladybug stickers to remind us always... so then we go into the room and see this today and I really saw it as a beautiful reminder and sign telling me all was going to be fine. 

Dr. Chung tenatively went over all I could expect in 6 weeks when I COMPLETE chemo and move on the phase of surgery.  She was so helpful to tell me typical scenarios (knowing each situation is different) I could expect to do and deal with as I get to that phase of the journey.  It will be bitter sweet on May 13th because I will have spent the last 6 months in this office working with all these lovely ladies!  The staff are all my angels as they have been there for me each step of the way!  I am hoping to find a way to thank them on that day in some way! 

It will be an achy weekend and beginning of the week because I will have to take more steroids than before to ward off other reactions to this toxin.  It will be rough but it will give me another 2 and a half weeks of feeling "good" and having energy!  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and if you are finishing spring break please travel safe!  Love to all!

Steroids!!!

Here we go again!  I am up for the 4th time tonight and cannot sleep because of this HUGE dose of steriods I am having to take to ward off an allergic reaction as well as other reasons.  My heart feels like it is racing and I am finding myself feeling hot!  My legs are not able to stay still which is annoying me.  It is not a four letter word but it is even worse because it is like two four letter words put together!  :)

My mind is also raising about dumb and crazy things!  I should not be fretting over this because I will spend the next three or four days on the couch or in bed.  I had been doing so well up until the tossing and turning and time to think.  I really had so much fun over this break!  I am really understanding how to enjoy each moment as it comes!  I am not dreading the fact that Spring Break is over rather I am enjoying all the relaxing and all the activities I had energy to do!  My biggest accomplishment was that I changed over the twins clothes in their closet and helped Katelynn do the same.  This is a rather large task that during the first 6 treatments I would never have been able to do.  The freedom I am finding isexhilarating at times!

This Angel team I have keeps on growing!  My family and I am one of the most blessed people in the world!   I have been praying that I might find another mom of young children going through something like what I am going through and in the past week I have been contacted by a mutual friend to someone who has been one of my biggest supporters!  I look forward to connecting with her and finding a person who knows exactly what I am going through in all areas of life!  I was also given the news that a classmate from high school was more recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  Having spent the last 4 and a half months being one of the youngest in the treatment rooms I am now finding others of similar age and situation.

I believe I have gone through my valley and am climbing back up my mountain.  The road will still be rocky but the journey will be traveled with you all so I will not be alone and will always be supported!